tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18563277515755093022024-03-14T01:54:27.718-04:00Awkward HumorThe blog home of Kevin, a guy with a weird sense of humor, and who likes to write about it.DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-10352483845234790032012-02-10T21:35:00.000-05:002012-02-10T21:35:39.942-05:00When Things Go Too Far.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7hZyUmGtcoiK99m8r_UD5j-BNG3_shwLuvUS4qCW_iGt8fzdSg54cSky4JuO2L0DPo2SXZga_tPO0LFDuvH0jEHiCHeTZQRfoFqCVg3Oy0KDrLjwV2OdwbAC0FoxeYSQu01ZXhZh3fYk/s1600/stooges_sm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" sda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7hZyUmGtcoiK99m8r_UD5j-BNG3_shwLuvUS4qCW_iGt8fzdSg54cSky4JuO2L0DPo2SXZga_tPO0LFDuvH0jEHiCHeTZQRfoFqCVg3Oy0KDrLjwV2OdwbAC0FoxeYSQu01ZXhZh3fYk/s1600/stooges_sm.jpg" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s inevitable I guess, that turn of events that happens from one degree to it’s furthest polar opposite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that is a situation that is currently happening with our kids, and our school systems.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bullying, drug abuse, sexual abuse, and violence.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It all has to stop. Everyone, I believe, agrees with that score.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For the threat of violence, the polar opposite was to ban any type of weapon, and by weapon I mean plastic knives.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For sexual abuse, the polar opposite seems to be to fire all the teachers in a school (and perhaps that was the right move). It also means accusing 8 year olds of sexual harassment when they tell their teacher they are cute (and perhaps that most definitely was NOT the right move).</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For drug abuse, the polar opposite was to ban any drug, even Tylenol (which I think is going a little far).</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But for bullying, the polar opposite seems a sticky point.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Case in point: A Virginia school district is considering a ban on cross dressing. They wish to do this for the protection of the students, avoiding distraction, that kind of thing.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Virginia ACLU is threatening to sue. They, as well as members of the community say that it’s not right to ban cross dressing and that more efforts should be put into curbing bullying.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, this has made me think long and hard on who might be right and who might be wrong.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Even kids have rights.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kids should be allowed to express themselves. But I am a firm believer that kids rights are not the same rights as adults. Why? Because, hey, they aren’t adults. That’s why they aren’t allowed to make a lot of their own decisions. Like drive a car until they reach a certain age, drink until they reach a certain age, or live on their own until a certain age. They also shouldn’t be allowed to do anything that endangers the welfare of others.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think that this ban should be allowed.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As for the ACLU, well, how are we supposed to put more concentration on eradicating bullying?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Putting peace officers or guards in the schools? Who is going to pay for that? Movies and programs on anti-bullying? Do you really think kids are going to watch and be indoctrinated when their friends and family have a lot more influence on them and.. who is going to pay for these movies and programs? What happens when a kid loses control and gains hold of a peace officers gun, or a guards taser? Could there be another Columbine waiting, just as we wonder the same due to bullying?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I find all this humorous in a sad way.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The simple answer is this. We need to remember that kids are kids. They have rights, up to a certain point. They the right to be treated well by their parents, be educated so they can become responsible citizens (we hope) and the right not to be hurt. They have the right to a home, food, and healthcare (although plenty of kids go without the last). But as for their right to express themselves, there should be RULES.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">What is up with these kid’s parents anyway? I wouldn’t let my kid cross dress at school anymore than I would let my daughter dress like a hooker at school. It really does boil down to that.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Look, if a kid wants to cross dress? Fine. If they want to be a cross dresser when they are at home, out of school and away from the school environment? Fine. If, when they reach 18 and graduate, they want to cross dress 24/7, more power to them. It’s their business at that point.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Allowing kids to express themselves in such a manner that brings such attention to themselves and puts them in danger is plain wrong. Allowing them to do so in a school setting is not only wrong, but you aren’t doing these kids any favors.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can imagine what would happen if I decided to dress up as Batman and go to work every day in an office. Can you? Let me fill you in. </span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It would go something like this:</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Mr. Jones, what do you think you are doing?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">What do you mean?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why are dressed up as Batman at the office today?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Because, well, I love Batman, and I think I look rather fetching in this costume.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Mr. Jones, go home and change. Now.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">No way dude! I’m expressing myself!</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Mr. Jones, you’re fired. SECURITY!</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">That’s right, I would be fired if I refused to quit. What if I decided to dress as a knight and carry a sword? I would probably be arrested. As an adult, I know there are rules that I must follow. We need to teach our kids that when they are grown and on their own, there will be rules that they must follow. It doesn’t matter if we agree with them, or if we like them. If we want to survive in the world, then we have to follow rules. Some of these rules are in the form of laws. By allowing kids to ignore rules in their formative years, we are setting them up for thinking they can disregard rules as adults.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Please tell me I’m not the only one to see this.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Again, understand me. If someone wants to cross dress, no matter if it’s a girl or a boy, fine. But do on their own time, away from school (which should be regarded as a training ground for what the world will be like when they grow up and get out of school).</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I say let them pass the ban. There is nothing wrong with a little order and discipline and perhaps, just perhaps, they will be one step closer to being prepared for the future.</span>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-38405333930907645042012-01-24T23:24:00.001-05:002012-01-24T23:28:21.255-05:00The Differnce Between Men and Women? Psshhht.<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Men usually get a bad rap. I will admit, that sometimes, we deserve it. But there are times when women use this “bad rap” deal to their advantage.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Such was the case tonight.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We were watching TV. A commercial for Fairly Legal, the show on USA staring Sarah Shahi, came on.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My wife says: “I hater her”</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My response?: “Why, because she is this big?” (making a tiny circle with my two hands)</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Her response?” “Mhm”</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I said: “what you need to understand is that there are a lot of guys who would climb on that. But there are plenty who wouldn’t for fear of hurting her, or getting hurt.”</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hey, don’t judge me, I was trying to make my wife feel better. I think she looks great. She looks like a WOMAN. She doesn’t look like an adolescent boy. She has curves. She is beautiful. She is WOMAN (and she frequently roars).</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is where men get in trouble. First, I should have just kept my mouth shut. I should have known better. I mean come ON, I’ve been married for almost 23 years!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve learned a thing or two. Or three. But my only defense in opening my stupid trap is that.. well I was tired. The brain was not functioning. The lights were on, but no one was home. Someone stole a few crayons from my box. You know, I spoke without THINKING.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So of course, being a woman, she had to say SOMETHING.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now she could have gone off one me. A lot of women might have. I might have had awkward questions like, “Then why do you like that show so much”. Or, “you only say that because you know that I know you think she is hot”. Or any other number of questions or accusations. Not to mention she had to go and write about it on her blog: <a href="http://rtagracefully.blogspot.com/2012/01/difference-between-men-and-women.html" target="_blank">The Difference Between Men and Women</a></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yeah, I’m man enough to admit that the actress in this show is attractive. But truthfully, she happens to be painfully thin. Attractive, but hey, so what?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now before you women who might be reading this climb all over me, let me tell you the rest of the story.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My wife turned to me, and said: “You know, this is the difference between men and women. Men look at that and think about climbing on top of her and women look at that and think how much easier it would be to shop” (Obviously meaning if they were as thin as the actress).</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Then not two minutes later, previews for next’s week White Collar came on and the Actor who plays Alcide on True Blood is going to quest staring. The actors name is Joe Manganiello. Apparently, a lot of women think he is hot.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My wife? She sighs in pleasure and says “that is one fine piece of real estate.”</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">So why do men get the bad rap I ask?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No justice I tell ya. None.</span>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-62073224349668861492012-01-18T23:19:00.000-05:002012-01-18T23:19:47.513-05:00So you took naked pictures of yourself<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM6_jReXQIivOKSoz8755GWcmS3fRZ7CXU1o7Bk_CjXN31iAmYEei971HFIBPXl8K3nQ1TshojnkUrEnycfQ4XnICwwqQTrJq2o9PcGATXPzxRNPQ5Hrm2h6u4TRHrDkUjm-8lPuCh46U/s1600/sexting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="205px" nfa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM6_jReXQIivOKSoz8755GWcmS3fRZ7CXU1o7Bk_CjXN31iAmYEei971HFIBPXl8K3nQ1TshojnkUrEnycfQ4XnICwwqQTrJq2o9PcGATXPzxRNPQ5Hrm2h6u4TRHrDkUjm-8lPuCh46U/s320/sexting.jpg" width="320px" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s a free country. I know this. I know people will be people and will do what they want. Even against their own better judgment. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there comes a time when you really have to start wondering, when will people ever learn?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Over the past year, there have been so many <strike>stupid</strike> important news stories of girls (and a smaller number of guys) having their nude body shared with the world. All because they took pictures of themselves in the buff with their cell phone.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh I know it all starts innocently enough. Someone says, hey, this person loves me, I love them, so I’ll send them a naked picture of myself to brighten their day. What could, after all, go wrong? They wouldn’t shame my by sharing it, nor is there any reason under the sun that would cause someone to see these pictures. Therefore, not only will I take the picture, send it to the love of my life, but I will keep it on my phone where obviously it’s super safe from any prying eyes.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My first statement, that people will do what they want applies to both the person taking the picture, and the one receiving the picture, and while we are at it to hackers, friends who pick up your phone while you are out of the room, and yes, even the police.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Look, I’ve been married for 23 years now. At no time would I ever take a naked picture of myself and send it to my wife. Because I know her. She would be horrified at first, then she would share with her friends so they could all get a good laugh. Believe me, there is plenty to laugh at. My wife would never send me a naked picture, not because I would show it someone, but apparently, she has some common sense that seeing her naked is reserved for our bedroom. Not to mention my wife is a lady.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m not trying to be critical against women who DO take naked pictures of themselves. Well not exactly. I don’t think of them as not being a lady, but I do question not only their morals, but their common sense.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We all know that relationships go bad. When they do, you gotta expect that someone is going to be so angry that they are going to exact revenge is the worst possible way. Meaning if they have naked pictures of you, then they might end up sending those pictures out to their friends. And yours. And your family for good measure. Probably even your boss and co-workers.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then there are those awkward situations you get into. Like you get questioned by the police and they confiscate your phone. Of COURSE they are going to see the naked pictures of yourself. Such a thing happened to a women in New York whose boyfriend was arrested for suspicion of stabbing someone. Now she is mad, and upset because when they returned the phone to her, there was one of her naked pictures on the screen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean come one, did she REALLY think they wouldn’t look at the pictures?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I will admit it here and now, I have old fashion morals. I will also admit that I have Biblical morals. So I take a pretty harsh view of people who take naked pictures of themselves then get mad when people see them who shouldn’t. Call me old fashioned, go ahead. It won’t hurt my feelings at all. Don’t get it twisted, I believe people deserve their privacy. I really do. But taking naked pictures of yourself on your phone? That isn’t private. Never has been, never will be. So as far as I’m concerned, if you do it, you must EXPECT them to be seen by people who shouldn’t or that you don’t want to.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You really only have to look at the headlines to realize how dangerous this behavior is. Weinergate anyone?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only was it gross, but embarrassing. Not only to Mr. Weiner, but also to the young lady he TWITTER the now infamous picture of himself to.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Women, girls, ladies. Grow up. Respect yourself. Respect the fact that in this day and age, anything you do that that is captured by picture, video or is placed on-line, is anything BUT private. If you fail to follow that rule, then expect the worst. If you have pictures that are R-Rated or worse, then for all that is holy, delete them. Make the person you sent them to delete them. Either that, then don’t come crying when your naked body is seen by the masses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-16452735249432747562012-01-17T19:39:00.000-05:002012-01-17T19:39:28.393-05:00My Wife and The Food Network<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgREqexh_Fdu9FOJsraNP2d3cpbk9Z89xRlbZ5TxmpjTTtb0oJAb3O8hJlcPBI4Mve2IDD_rxaU3nJXkZQ9pguGCvrgIUYCQbIyS4NIyIMXsSkBGdXs9xJBI4Tf5dUm1M32pyO_AHvJP2g/s1600/gourmet-food.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211px" kba="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgREqexh_Fdu9FOJsraNP2d3cpbk9Z89xRlbZ5TxmpjTTtb0oJAb3O8hJlcPBI4Mve2IDD_rxaU3nJXkZQ9pguGCvrgIUYCQbIyS4NIyIMXsSkBGdXs9xJBI4Tf5dUm1M32pyO_AHvJP2g/s320/gourmet-food.jpg" width="320px" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Being a man, I obviously do that annoying thing (at least as far as women are concerned) of channel surfing on the TV.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I do it, I knew there was this channel called The Food Network, but I had never checked it out. I mean why would I? I figured it was filed with shows about cooking, most of it fancy high dollar restaurant quality meals. Well, I never get to eat at places like that. You know, the restaurants that have names for courses that sound like a foreign language (or IS a foreign language) and where you are forced to eat ridiculously small portions in a tie.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A TIE for sweet heaven’s sake.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So my man-dar (you know, my male radar) would go off in the register of “Snotty Fine Cooking for the Rich” and I skipped over that channel as fast as possible.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Also being a man, I am not picky about food. If it’s food I can eat without indigestion or an allergic reaction, and if you put it in front of me, it gets eaten with a smile. Hey, I’m just grateful my wife will cook for me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yes ladies, before you ask, I HAVE been known to cook. I’m not that bad. I can even boil water. With salt in it. I make a mean gumbo and I love making Mexican Corn Bread. Nothing fancy mind you, I’m a man after all and I kinda fall into that standard of meat and potatoes kind of guy.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Also, because I’m a man, my home is my castle. I’m not a harsh king, even letting my daughter take over the TV to play her playstation, and I even let my wife watch some questionable content that sets of my man-dar. You know, chick flicks, shows with men who all the women swoon over, and try to ignore her sighs of pleasure over the likes of Gerard Butler.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But there are still moments when it’s football, hockey, science-fiction blasting movies, action movies, comedies, documentaries, and other content that most men watch.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lately though, there has been a bit of an insurrection in my castle.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It all started the day I came home from work, walked in, and didn’t even get a hello from my lovely wife. Why? She was staring in rapt fascination at the TV. So naturally, I looked at the TV to see what she was looking at, figuring it was Gerard Butler again. But no. It was…. The Food Network.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My first response was to scream in horror and ask her what she thought she was doing. But she was IGNORING ME. Again, I’m a fairly nice king in my castle so I muttered under my breath and moved on. Things to do you know. After all, whatever she was watching would go off eventually, and then when I finished what I was doing, I figured we could catch some classic we had seen before. Like the Fifth Element or something (that movie seems to be on every other day). But to my surprise, my wife CONTINUED watching The Food Network. All night long. My curiosity got the best of me so I figured I better check into what she was watching. I didn’t want her getting any snotty food ideas. She was watching some show called Chopped. In it, chefs get a basket of weird ingredients (most that I have never even HEARD of) and had to make a dish with it. I immediately saw how challenging it was and it pleased my man-dar enough for me to watch it and I had to admit later, it was actually not that bad.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So my wife now had a fascination with this show. Not so bad right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, but that wasn’t all. Things quickly got out of control. She moved on to other Food Network shows. Like The Great Food Truck Race and Restaurant Impossible. And a few more as well. She stayed up late, and watched it during the day. It was all Food Network, all the time.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Football? Nope.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hockey? Nope.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Action flicks? Nope.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Butwhat really made me realize there might be a problem was when on one Sunday evening, realizing one of her Food Network shows came on at the same time as Game of Thrones (something we both really enjoy), she asked me to DVR her Food Network program. When I did, I noticed the hard drive on it was almost full. I was quite surprised because the week before there was only one or two shows on it. So I naturally scrolled though the listings on the DVR, only to discover it was full and I mean FULL of recorded Food Network shows. She had been recording these shows ALL WEEKEND LONG.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then she went and asked my parents for a food processor for Christmas, and now, well, you can’t even imagine. The other night she<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>made chicken meatballs with spinach pesto linguine. Good? Yes. But not the usual fare coming from our kitchen.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">That was probably the point when I realized my wife had a problem. An addiction, to The Food Network Channel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyone know of any 12 step programs for it? I mean really, I need to get my TV back sometime soon. The Super Bowl is fast approaching.</span>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-3098267635688521132011-08-18T23:42:00.000-04:002011-08-18T23:42:37.790-04:00Sick Cat Creature<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjpBiQdhqWuNmhNXlwKh9zygqXVYjB5sZXGFziRDR5uf4CDPfZqXqrKpg1E78z5muCwrBjKhJ48ZHKY5slgwVDzqD7Fu2fqyh5plfSEC2XR1X1flKoD1qb0_jvCcAQcS1cWjRayp_Hw2s/s1600/sick+cat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320px" qaa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjpBiQdhqWuNmhNXlwKh9zygqXVYjB5sZXGFziRDR5uf4CDPfZqXqrKpg1E78z5muCwrBjKhJ48ZHKY5slgwVDzqD7Fu2fqyh5plfSEC2XR1X1flKoD1qb0_jvCcAQcS1cWjRayp_Hw2s/s320/sick+cat.jpg" width="309px" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve spoken a lot about cats on my blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s due to the fact my wife is a crazy cat lady.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m going to write about yet another cat situation, but surprisingly it’s one not brought on by my Dr. Doolittle wife.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Last weekend, her mother’s cat had a serious problem. At 11 PM. It was serious enough that we had to take the cat to the 24 hour emergency vet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The cat couldn’t move her back legs.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Her name is puddin, but that’s not what I call her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I call her Satan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because this cat would make a lion cry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How come? Because the cat is evil personified.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seriously.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you look at the cat? It growls. Not hisses, growls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like a demon on vacation from Hell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you stare to long, the cat will attack you. Like a demon on vacation from Hell that sees you as a Hawaiian all you can eat buffet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I say this cat is evil, I mean E-V-I-L.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If this cat was a James Bond Villain, James Bond would die.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jason Bourne?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wouldn’t even see what hit him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This cat is so evil it would stand over Gandolf’s dead, bloody body, and use his staff as a tooth pick.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would like to say I sat there and pointed at the evil creature disguised as a cat and pointed my finger at it and laughed, saying “yeah, that’s what being evil gets you”. But alas, I have a big heart and I felt sorry for the old girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, not old, unless she really is Satan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then she is old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Worried, I took the poor suffering cat to this vet, listening to her cries of pain.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Normally, when this cat goes to the vet, the Doctor will come in dressed in a metal suit similar to Iron Man’s, just to survive the encounter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But none of that was necessary this time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She didn’t even bother to hiss at anyone.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The prognosis was not good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Blood clot, down near her legs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s apparently fairly common in cats because cat’s get heart disease just like people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The problem is, they can’t go in and fix it like a blood clot in a human.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I did not find sad was what they wanted to do for the cat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A week of staying in hospital at the tune of $ 500.00 a night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Add to that an echocardiogram to see if the cat had heart disease. Why? Because there was always the chance that it wasn’t a blood clot, despite the Doctor being pretty sure it was. It could have been a sudden tumor on the spine, or something else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, and the echocardiogram? That was going to run $ 800.00.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">All I could say was WOW.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now my wife’s parents are on a fixed income and there was no way they could afford something like this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So what to do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, the cat could have been put down, but my wife’s mother couldn’t stand to do that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shortly after we got there, the pain she was feeling stopped and that was only partly to do with the pain meds they gave her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Turns out, only one back leg is completely affected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She can use her other back leg somewhat.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So my lovely wife, who can be pretty assertive when she needs to be, in no uncertain terms explained to the Doctor we were taking the cat home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which we did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now the cat lays in one place, drinks water, but doesn’t really want to eat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So we (meaning me, the sucker) has to give her a liquid medication to increase her appetite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is somewhat successful, and the cat has not shredded me into a thousand pieces yet, despite the fact that she does everything she can to avoid the medication.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently it tastes like something really, really awful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It takes two of us to hold her, despite her condition, to give her this medication.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m just hoping that she will forgive me, because if she suddenly recovers, I’m pretty sure she is going to kill me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And eat the remains while purring.</span></div><br />
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DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-25282264615526983002011-07-24T23:07:00.000-04:002011-07-24T23:07:19.654-04:00I’ve got an idea about Mobile Devices.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs_hWmP2KhzAFfZ4ujCTKCVDEUrRThJEgz4Ibtl_yrpt4dQ54RbP7FMpkGUzfxjr8oCTEIH5lNMoCmosoGtQE26b24ddgM-NLRq14_n5TidqUM_D2pCDeDXFBwLGFo8twle1mdKyL6Ygk/s1600/Mobile+Phones_sm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs_hWmP2KhzAFfZ4ujCTKCVDEUrRThJEgz4Ibtl_yrpt4dQ54RbP7FMpkGUzfxjr8oCTEIH5lNMoCmosoGtQE26b24ddgM-NLRq14_n5TidqUM_D2pCDeDXFBwLGFo8twle1mdKyL6Ygk/s1600/Mobile+Phones_sm.jpg" t$="true" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My wife likes to tell me that I’m a techno nerd. I would deny it if I could.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh wait, this is my blog, so I CAN deny it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not a techno nerd.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just appreciate good hardware.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now that we have that handled, I wanted to share a few thoughts on some technology that apparently has become so crucial that we can no longer live without it.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m talking about cell phones of course.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yeah, there have been lots of posts about cell phones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It used to be that people complained about how rude it was for those who couldn’t shut their mouths walking around everywhere talking on their cell phones loudly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, it seems that people are usually walking around texting everyone, and running into things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they aren’t texting, ther’re walking around updating their facebook status, or sharing with the world where they are by “checking in”.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Although I’ve done this all, a few times at least, the fact remains that the device you are walking around with is a cell phone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With the emphasis on PHONE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know, that thing that used to hang on the walls of our kitchen, had a round dial, and you used it to call your family and friends?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I fondly remember the days of getting in trouble for listening in on my sister’s conversations with her boyfriends, or getting yelled at for spending to much time on the phone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because there was no such thing as call waiting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You may not remember this, but if you were on your phone, and someone tried to call you, you would get a “busy signal”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Busy signals caused a lot of frustration, especially when you really needed to contact someone with important news.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like needing to be bailed out of jail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thankfully, this has never happened to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or to spread gossip about family or friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know, Very Important News Stuff.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Because “busy signals” were so frustrating, the phone companies, who were viewed on the same level as satan, because of all their fees and hard to read bills, came up with a cool idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Call waiting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was a feature that allowed someone to call you while you were on the phone and instead of a “busy signal”, they would hear the familiar ringing like they weren’t on the phone. Of course, everyone had to have call waiting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And of course, people being people, they simply ignored the other person calling, which lead to more aggravation.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So someone somewhere got the idea that we just didn’t have enough time to talk on the phone because hey, we work all day long, run errands on the weekend, and basically, didn’t spend enough time at our homes to answer the phone, and hear all the gossip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So that person invented a device called a cell phone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a phone you carried around with you, so you could listen to your gossip no matter where you were. Like in the movie theatre.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or the line at the bank.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course, that wasn’t enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because soon people were spreading gossip in other ways. It was called e-mail and the internet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So naturally, it was soon discovered that we weren’t home enough to be on our computers so the cell phone involved into a device that connected to the internet, as well as being able to take phone calls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This lead to people spreading gossip by text, calls, and social media.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh yeah, and telling the world what they were doing every minute of the day, because everyone knows that what YOU are doing is the most interesting thing in the world to everyone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even when you announce that you have to go to the bathroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or even putting everyone’s life around you in danger because you have to do all this while driving.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Personally, I think that this has led to most of us to become sincerely self absorbed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that’s not why I’m sitting at my computer, ignoring Facebook and Twitter, typing out this post.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I still want to talk about cell phones.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You see, we have come so far with these devices, in our mad dash to be “connected” that someone missed a step.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The one where cell phones actually work very well as….. a phone.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh come on, you know what I’m talking about. Dropped calls, voices cutting in and out, cell phones that don’t work for very long before breaking down, that sort of thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the old days, when you had a phone hanging on your wall, the thing could be used to beat your children with, and the only time you couldn’t understand what the person on the phone with you was saying was when the kids were running around causing havoc in the house, which of course is how it was discovered your could use the hand held part of the phone to beat your children with, without breaking the thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those phone were almost indestructible. I think they indestructibility of these phone is what led Timex to come out with their line: “Timex, it takes a licking, but keeps on ticking”.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Maybe it’s just me, but is it really to much to ask to have a phone that actually can make a phone call without worrying about missing half the conversation, or dropping a call? Or suddenly deciding to break down on you after only owning it for three months?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially when you consider how much I pay you every month and the trouble I have deciphering your cryptic bills.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So how about it Mobile Device Manufacturers?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How about stop putting out new devices every month that bring exciting new options for connecting to social media, surfing the web, and fast download speeds, and come out with a phone that worked as well as the one that hung on my kitchen wall back in the 90’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of us still use these mobile devices for TALKING, for business, that sort of thing.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t care if it’s the device manufacturers fault or the fault of the network they are operating on (because I think it’s both because I have had a number of cell phones over the years).</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I want a mobile device that will make a call and be able to have an actual phone conversation without missing words or dropping a call.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seriously.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Please, and thank you.</span>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-65012565305926790862011-06-20T00:07:00.000-04:002011-06-20T00:07:29.833-04:00The new age of spanking<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiohExqPi6txyQ8M6ONTwuPhshAVwpcH-e3kBC_6TSn74tszvq7X_7cIpvWqEX7td1-1ABjGZAfD6BT95Q7omBkWAGkTs4Aq0Fsu3y6gteiv4Qaq7WjI01t3NQsQHSRNV11qA8DksF-LtQ/s1600/spanking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="312px" i$="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiohExqPi6txyQ8M6ONTwuPhshAVwpcH-e3kBC_6TSn74tszvq7X_7cIpvWqEX7td1-1ABjGZAfD6BT95Q7omBkWAGkTs4Aq0Fsu3y6gteiv4Qaq7WjI01t3NQsQHSRNV11qA8DksF-LtQ/s320/spanking.jpg" width="320px" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps this post will upset some people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I debated posting it because I truly have a hard time with how people react over things today.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I was growing up, I was a kinda small.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not like today, where I am overweight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being born two months early left me sickly and small until I hit puberty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My first day of school, I was to small to climb the steps of the bus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I hit puberty, I outgrew more than three sizes in one summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Regardless of the fact that I was a small child, one of the things I lived in fear of was getting a spanking.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was to very different, despite being small, than most boys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did things I wasn’t supposed to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of those things were pretty stupid and I could have gotten hurt, or hurt someone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I got caught, depending on what I had done, I would get spanked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing put the fear of God into me more than my mother saying, “wait until your father got home”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With those words, I knew I was in deep doo.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">At the time, I hated that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But now that I’m grown, and adult (on some days), with a child of my own, I realize that those spanking taught me A LOT.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like, depending on what I did, there could be some very real HARD consequences to my actions.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Recently, a woman in Texas was charged with a felony of charge… for spanking her two year old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have no idea what the child did, but the woman spanking her hard enough to leave “red marks” and her grandmother took the child to the hospital to be checked out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The grandmother then turned in the mother (her daughter-in-law) to the police.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m not here to judge this woman’s actions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Could it have been overblown? Sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Could the woman have beaten her child to hard? Sure.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But what the judge had to say shocked me deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His words were, and I quote:</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“<b>You don’t spank children today. In the old days, maybe we got spanked but that was a different world. You don’t spank children — you understand?</b>” the judge told the defendant.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Really?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>WOW!</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am a believer in discipline for children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How else will they really learn right from wrong?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How else will they learn that there are consequences to their actions?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Simply saying “No, no Johnny, that is something you don’t do” is not enough.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So after thinking about his for awhile, I think I can understand what a kids future will be like with no TRUE discipline.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Little Mike, having only ever been grounded or told “No, No” during his formative years, enters High School.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is told to do something by his teacher that he doesn’t want to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So the throws a tantrum, much like he did when he was two, because after all, that most often led to him getting his way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But this is a different world, not the world of his overly doting parents so the teacher tells him to go to the principals office.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, this makes him even more angry, so he hits the teacher and is arrested.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course, he does a little time in Juvie and gets out, and goes home.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Mike’s parents urge him to do something with his life now, he is an adult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He refuses because he would rather play video games and drink and do drugs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not like his parents are going to do anything right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, they might ground him, but that’s all good, because he has a TV in his room and his game systems.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they try to take that away, he will throw a tantrum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And get his way.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Finally, one day, Mike gets a job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone is happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mike is happy, because now his stupid parents are yelling at him and threatening to kick him out, and his parents are happy that he is finally doing something with his life.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Mike moves out.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One day at work, Mike’s boss yells at him for screwing up something that will now cost the company money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead of apologizing and learning from his mistake, he throws a tantrum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is promptly fired.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now Mike can’t pay his bills.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He loses his place and his parents won’t take him back because honestly?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is a pain in the butt to deal with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So he ends up on the street, homeless, hooked on drugs and alcohol.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He gets high or drunk and kills someone in a fight.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now he is in jail, on the tax payer’s dime.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When in court, the judge asks him “why did you kill this man Mike?”</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">His answer, because he has no clue, having never been taught that there can be HARD consequences to his actions, answers <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“because I wanted to”.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So the judge gives him the maximum jail time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life in prison.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The judge can’t understand how this could happen, the parents can’t understand, and society can’t understand.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Spank your kids when they need it, ok?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Teach the little beauties that if you do something wrong, there could be serious consequences to their actions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t teach them that a tantrum will get them their way, and hey, don’t let this go to prison on the tax payer’s dime.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thanks.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-17135159511641035182011-06-02T23:04:00.000-04:002011-06-02T23:04:19.275-04:00Kitteh Galore<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTdGECO41nbtC1uILTNSDvssDhdiXc7oGrmU5kC5jBrybAhEbNurw6Ymx3qbnr5lh5faIinG6_9J0t_JO2sGWzzuqW3tqRZerbgw82IRby6Xs1zU_DJuN_K1y-U80feVVn-ayT9kP3VkU/s1600/kittens_sm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTdGECO41nbtC1uILTNSDvssDhdiXc7oGrmU5kC5jBrybAhEbNurw6Ymx3qbnr5lh5faIinG6_9J0t_JO2sGWzzuqW3tqRZerbgw82IRby6Xs1zU_DJuN_K1y-U80feVVn-ayT9kP3VkU/s1600/kittens_sm.jpg" t8="true" /></a></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So where have I been?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sorry I haven’t been around, but things have been busy, busy, busy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Between work and making sure my daughter reaches her goal of graduating high school, I’ve been a bit preoccupied. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not to mention the third tiny, insey whinsey little issue of pregnant cats and a deranged wife.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve explained our family issue of the numerous cats that have decided to take over my property before so I won’t revisit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, there is something you need to know about feral cats.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they are female?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They somehow become pregnant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t ask me how, this is NOT a kitty porn post.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So somehow, we had 4 female cats get pregnant within weeks of each other (sigh).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Funny thing about pregnant cats?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They suddenly become a lot less feral if they are used to you.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Because of this fact, my wife decided that to get rid of all the kittens, she would need to socialize them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To do that, she needed to know where they were born.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Feral cats are funny about letting you know where they hide their kittens at.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess they think, despite the fact you have been nice to THEM, you will eat them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my wife’s quest to get rid of kittens (mhm, like I was buying into that story), she waiting until the cats were as big around as pumpkins, and then GOT THEM IN THE HOUSE.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The result?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>15 kittens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In. My. House.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Further result?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tripping on kittens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kittens climbing my legs. Kittens knocking things over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kittens GETTING ON MY LAST NERVE.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If I was a James Bond villain, my name would be Kitteh Galore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s HORRIBLE.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Last night, I was trying to go to sleep and one of them decided to climb the bed and attack various parts of my body even though I wasn’t moving around.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh the agony!</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Needless to say, as their age is quickly approaching the “kick ‘em out the door” time, I’m SO ready for these balls of fur to go away.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There is light at the end of the tunnel though. We have a number of people already speaking for a portion of the kittens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I need MORE PEOPLE TO TAKE THEM.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, I saw this advertisement for this device you put in your yard that keeps animals away from it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyone know if these devices work?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m ready to invest!</span></div>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-36354550510468775642011-04-13T23:40:00.000-04:002011-04-13T23:40:08.871-04:00Why the chicken (or Guinea) crossed the road<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfIsMO7DDm5KzbHN1OVVKsxu8ikQ2ncvb0A3d5bHg_djgWv2eksUggKpqGZ8rA-Z_3rm7EbgpxNRz7DooCHSLWzSKY0vy5NlQXcKEaxCP7fEiyWwig-AHkyFZY5A27MocGwY_OA0FPGIg/s1600/Pair-of-Guinea-Fowl_sm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfIsMO7DDm5KzbHN1OVVKsxu8ikQ2ncvb0A3d5bHg_djgWv2eksUggKpqGZ8rA-Z_3rm7EbgpxNRz7DooCHSLWzSKY0vy5NlQXcKEaxCP7fEiyWwig-AHkyFZY5A27MocGwY_OA0FPGIg/s1600/Pair-of-Guinea-Fowl_sm.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Forget the various crises in the world. Forget Pia getting voted off Idol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a more pressing concern.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why, oh why did that Guinea try to cross the road?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I may live (almost) in the city, but people being people, they will keep the oddest pets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For whatever reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if it’s not really an appropriate place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe it’s the fact they are the obsessive-cute type people who see a baby animal and go “OH MY GOD, MUST HAVE NOW”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe it’s because they smoke to much weed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really don’t know.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">What I do know is that often times these people do not cage or contain these odd pets in an appropriate manner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know why they do that either, unless it’s to annoy their neighbors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which kinda sounds fun, but hey, I’m not willing to shell out food for free ranging animals just to have a chuckle.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One of these types of people live on the route I take my daughter to school every morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s actually a rare day when we don’t see various types of chickens roaming around in several yards.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But nothing could prepare me for yesterday morning, when we had a run in with a Guinea hen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, a Guinea hen (pictured above).</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I’m driving down the road, minding my own business, when they car in front of me made a left turn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I started to accelerate again, there on the side of the road where two Guineas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I approached, suddenly one of them darted out in to the road, it’s head bobbing in time with it’s gait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I got closer, the Guinea, realizing there was several thousand pounds of metal hurtling towards it, did an abrupt U-Turn, and I tell you now, he was moving so fast, he had to actually lean into the turn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His head, obviously, increased it’s bobbing as his speed increased, making me dizzy as all get out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, there is just something hypnotic about foul head bobbing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that’s why we starting eating foul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were mesmerized by that head bobbing and therefore figured it was stupid, and something the world wouldn’t miss if we ate it.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m not sure what that Guinea was thinking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps it was depressed and thought about committing vehicular suicide and (ahem) chickened out at the last moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe it was mad at the world, and was trying to take it out on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe he was a brave Guinea and wanted to play chicken on the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe, just maybe, it was just trying to cross the road, and I was to close so it changed it’s mind, preventing me from discovering the answer to the age old question of why did the chicken cross the road.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My daughter and I had a good laugh over the Guinea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I will admit, I’m curious as to who ARE these people who keep pets like this when they don’t live on a farm and why in the WORLD don’t they keep them pinned up?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I guess like the question of why did the chicken cross the road, I will never know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m probably going to lose sleep over it now, all thanks to some goofy Guinea, trying to cross the road.</span>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-32177112574157819922011-03-15T22:17:00.000-04:002011-03-15T22:17:40.713-04:00"Or Best Offer" Really? Man have I got a deal for you!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnKRwtRHphsDOLfhWoXvUj2e89CCZj60bmftI2QhYSx1vNwwl_onWbnLCjeqjA7epmzowuvAqQv3IOer7CfMRQ52-pQqtuBz4cf4HFGQ3X5VFWryO8lNM9FBsTwdj7jvoyhTSrFI1yARM/s1600/for-sale-sign.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnKRwtRHphsDOLfhWoXvUj2e89CCZj60bmftI2QhYSx1vNwwl_onWbnLCjeqjA7epmzowuvAqQv3IOer7CfMRQ52-pQqtuBz4cf4HFGQ3X5VFWryO8lNM9FBsTwdj7jvoyhTSrFI1yARM/s1600/for-sale-sign.gif" /></a></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m a firm believer in being able to sell something you own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It really doesn’t matter to me if it’s a fair price, a market style price, or way underpriced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since you, as an individual is selling the item, you should be able to ask what you want.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The same is not true for corporations (for the most part).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of this Governed by what people are willing to pay for an item.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take for example, the Apple iPad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If people didn’t believe it was worth what they are charging for it, they wouldn’t be buying it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for necessities, such as Gasoline. Ahem.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So, if you are individual selling, for arguments sake, a book, and you ask $ 50.00 dollars for it because you believe it has sentimental value and is a first edition, it’s possible you might find a buyer willing to pay that price.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The same can be said for cars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you have a modern car, and want to sell it, you can list it for sale for whatever price you want, and maybe you will sell it for that price.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe not.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But one thing that absolutely gets under my skin is the term “Or Best Offer”.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Look.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you want to sell something, list you price and take your chances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like say, a car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chances are, a halfway smart individual will at least look up the value of the car and see if you’re asking price is reasonable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then the decision will be down to; A) if that individual has the money), and B) if the item is good enough condition to be worth that kind of money.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But what is that “Or Best Offer” crap?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I will tell you what it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a nuisance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m a nice guy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But if I see something I might be interested in, and it has a price along with “or best offer”, well then you deserve the aggravation of dealing with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you’re asking $ 4,0000.00 “Or Best Offer”, then the following is likely to happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I think I can re-sell the item and make money, and it sits there for sale for a few weeks, then I’m likely to say, since you’re accepting “or best offer”, my offer is $ 10.00.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe a $ 1.00.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Depending on what is being sold.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it’s a car, I might go as high as $ 100.00, if it’s in good shape.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I will turn around and sell it for below the market value and make me some money.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because chances are, it’s likely the person selling the item is asking to much for it, knows it, and just wants to see how close to their asking price they can get for it.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So just so you know, if you have a nice motorcycle that is worth $ 1,000, and ask $ 1,200 “or best offer”, expect me at your door offering $ 50.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you say no, don’t worry, I won’t get mad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll just shrug and walk away.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I don’t know why, but “or best offer” really gets under my skin.</span>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-14333448704078057602011-03-06T18:58:00.000-05:002011-03-06T18:58:27.256-05:00Car Repair: A Neutral Safety Switch that isn't so Neutral<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgMOX0PAlcpZom8qOP1ltWeUTaNKVjzzblaARvf7B5hcPL31KWNqef5KqPX8owww4Q2nz8Ve8R79Cufx65yBlcVWPohyphenhyphenWVesfu3nDmrqiY8pm76Qnko0fRkF2BcK6BlcMU5RLsuoTRM2U/s1600/auto_repair.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" l6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgMOX0PAlcpZom8qOP1ltWeUTaNKVjzzblaARvf7B5hcPL31KWNqef5KqPX8owww4Q2nz8Ve8R79Cufx65yBlcVWPohyphenhyphenWVesfu3nDmrqiY8pm76Qnko0fRkF2BcK6BlcMU5RLsuoTRM2U/s320/auto_repair.jpg" width="254" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can’t expect to drive a car and never have anything go wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That simply goes against the laws of the universe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you’re lucky, every once in a while in your life you will find that vehicle where it seems that it will run forever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until it doesn’t.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My wife, years ago when we both worked and had money to buy things like cars, decided she just had to have a Dodge Durango.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only did she like the look, but she wanted and SUV with lots of room in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was her trying not to LOOK like a soccer Mom, but in reality living like one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since a Durango far out classes a freakin MiniVan, I was like, sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s see if we can find a nice one.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Let it be known I did have reservations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had heard they will horrible on gas, and I had been in one and was of the opinion that the seats were cheap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They seemed so THIN.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway, being an awesome husband, I decided to go along with the plan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At least for the moment.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As you may know by now, I am in sales and I drive a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had already purchased two vehicles from one dealer and had a great experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So we contacted the salesman we had been dealing with and told him what we were looking for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>About a month later, he gave us a call.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So off we went to see what he had found for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we got to the lot, there it sat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A 2000 Dodge Durango with a 4.7L V8 engine, plus the added bonus of the third seat in the back (an option).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was in terrific shape.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had been purchased brand new by a family, meaning only one owner, and they had taken very good care of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They had ordered it with the third seat as an option because of their kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This vehicle was used, but let me assure you it didn’t look used.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It looked brand new and it was 4 years old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only real reservation I had after looking at it was the mileage. It had 88,000 miles on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After driving it, I had to admit that I loved it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even after 4 years, it drove like a dream and those seats I thought were cheap?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well after 4 years and 88,000 miles, they were unworn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, we bought the thing.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now it’s 2011 and the vehicle has been a good one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We even drove it to New York city, Niagara Falls and to Dallas, TX.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has 130,000+ miles on it and the only thing we have done to it is change the oil and get new tires.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It does need a few things done to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mostly just cosmetic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is a scratch down one door and the clothes hanger in the back on one side broke off when we drove it to New York.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m suspicious of the radio, because I think it is about to go because sometimes not all the speakers work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the thing IS 11 years old, so I have counted myself very lucky with this one.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The other morning, however, my wife got in it and it wouldn’t start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The engine wouldn’t even turn over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wouldn’t even make that clicking noise that a car will make when the battery is dead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just in case, I hooked up jumper cables, and nothing.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now I’m not a mechanic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t work on my own cars that much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can change the oil, I can change the brakes, and maybe a few other things, but other than that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, I’m kinda scared to tackle a lot of things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Luckily, I have a friend who knows how to work on cars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being the kind of friend he is, when I called him that day, he said he would be over that night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We thought maybe it was the starter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So we took it off and had it tested.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next thing we checked was the ignition relay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I got on the internet and did some research, as did my wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We both found the same thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The likely culprit was the neutral safety switch.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The neutral safety switch is responsible for the back up lights and not allowing the car to be started unless it’s in park or neutral.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So me and the friend decided it should be easy enough to fix.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Boy, were we wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First of all, we couldn’t find it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The parts store said one thing, those repair books you can buy said the same thing, but the neutral safety switch was NOT WHERE IT SAID IT WAS.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So it was back to the internet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found a reference to the fact that certain types of transmissions on this model have the neutral safety switch on the valve body in the transmission and to change it out you had to take off the transmission fluid pan to fix.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, by now it was the weekend and none of the parts stores seemed to have this version of the safety neutral switch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m talking Advance, Auto Zone and NAPA.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Couldn’t call the dealer, since they were closed on weekends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So we decided to look for it ONE MORE TIME.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the course of all of this, we had unplugged a number of sensors on the transmission.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then plugged them back in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Needless to say, we finally gave up, because we just couldn’t find it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We felt defeated and annoyed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now we were going to have to wait until Monday (tomorrow) and contact the dealer.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">At the last minute, my friend climbed into the vehicle and tried to start it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Guess what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It started (facepalm).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we hadn’t spent all day trying to get this fixed, we might have laughed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead, all we did was shake our heads and be very aggravated over the fact that none of the information we could find helped us.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The only thing we can figure is that one of the wiring plugs we unplugged had some corrosion on it and when he disconnected it and reconnected it, it solved the problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But man, what a way to spend an entire Saturday!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Yeah, I'm trying to find the humor in all this but it seems to be on vacation. But I'm sure you can find it.</span>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-11537096640306734892011-02-26T16:19:00.000-05:002011-02-26T16:19:27.817-05:00Austin, I will miss you.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizsglwyVB6BY7_cHWZBN7MXzhmKJSRimtXtt0ShIaHW-DoAQQIqVvP7HrxFvLdBR01K8G2yk-BCGUV4tmqTQ15ZPqCoRWzXxBNqdFOWlmI9Xd4jJKB8O4W4D_BatS8EBnCFCEbzPWWqt8/s1600/drugs-abuse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" l6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizsglwyVB6BY7_cHWZBN7MXzhmKJSRimtXtt0ShIaHW-DoAQQIqVvP7HrxFvLdBR01K8G2yk-BCGUV4tmqTQ15ZPqCoRWzXxBNqdFOWlmI9Xd4jJKB8O4W4D_BatS8EBnCFCEbzPWWqt8/s320/drugs-abuse.jpg" width="296" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I usually try to post only funny stuff these days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But not today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to take a minute to say goodbye to a friend.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I lost a good friend yesterday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someone who I loved as a friend, and who I thought enough of to be like a son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am certainly old enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His name was Austin, and he died from an overdose.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I met Austin, of all places, on Stickam.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Almost a year ago, when I couldn’t go out anywhere, and was suffering from lack of socialization, I heard about Stickam and said what the heck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found out quickly that Stickam is mostly a place for the young, who flirt and joke and even hook up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Needless to say, I didn’t make a lot of friends, since my age made me seem like a creepy old man trying to look at young girls or guys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I made a few and those few I made, made me stick around on Stickam to talk to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Austin was one of those.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Austin didn’t care how old I was, he only cared that I was a nice guy, was nice to him, was willing to listen when he needed an ear, and gave out advice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of all the people I met on Stickam, Austin was the one person who I became close with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We talked on the phone a lot and there were plans for him to visit next month when he came up this way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is only one other person on Stickam that I became close with and we both knew Austin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His name is Rob and he to, is very dear to me.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Austin was young.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was only 22 years old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he was definitely a product of the street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He lived in an area where gangs, drugs, and crime were rampant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I won’t share a lot of details about his life, since it’s really not my place, but what I can say is that with the life he had, he was far older than his years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had seen, done, and experienced more things than most people would go their whole life without, and most of it would make you glad for that.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Austin was fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was funny, had a razor sharp wit, and loved to laugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes at the expense of others, but honestly never with malice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was also very intelligent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although he had no more than a high school education, he was a curious guy and liked to study up on things that were interesting to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a different setting, Austin would have thrived in college and gone on to a great and rewarding career.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have no doubt that Universities would have lined up to try and get him to come to their schools.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was that smart.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But not about everything.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Due to his upbringing, and where he lived, Austin had a drug problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to talk to him about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As did others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No matter how often I thought I got through to him, he always slid back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I regret now that I didn’t do more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe, if I had had the money, going to visit him in person would have helped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe if I talked to his Grandmother, who he lived with, would have helped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would have been difficult to talk to his Grandmother, because she never answered her phone, since Austin was on it more than she was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He would have intercepted any message I left for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Strangely, I know he wouldn’t have gotten mad at me for it, but would have told me that he didn’t want to worry her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now he is gone, a young man that had such promise, and never seemed to be able to catch a break.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fact that I didn’t do more is a guilt I will have to live with, and deal with, somehow.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you know someone who has a drug problem, please talk to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get them help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if it ruins a friendship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Better them alive, but mad at you, then dead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Talk to your kids about drugs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one is immune to making a mistake and losing their life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you love them, get up in their business and do something about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before it’s to late.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Austin will be missed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only by me, but by many others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Austin, I love you and like you always said, we are family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not by blood, but by choice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can only hope that all the pain in your life, which you tried so hard to hide, is no longer a burden and that you find peace.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am posting this video because it was a song that Austin loved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whenever one of his friends died, and he knew quite a few who died to young, he would play it over and over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I to will play it, in his memory.</span></div><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/eg6bboQt8Ic" title="YouTube video player" width="425"></iframe>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-71330781239582594812011-02-15T21:41:00.000-05:002011-02-15T21:41:10.569-05:00An Appalachian Adventure<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTRECTjojAz6GkmHLGQQul9eSjzwZUt5HEyxjqdt64qKbYvpjJRRiR55qsYsGG1AVJapgto42-F2SNyWMxqMHFFoF_oJXLqiNCZGzdItSpzrXKvT3GpED7TATEhxBl0yxVZv9SSXSp10E/s1600/Appalachian%252520Mountains_sm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" h5="true" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTRECTjojAz6GkmHLGQQul9eSjzwZUt5HEyxjqdt64qKbYvpjJRRiR55qsYsGG1AVJapgto42-F2SNyWMxqMHFFoF_oJXLqiNCZGzdItSpzrXKvT3GpED7TATEhxBl0yxVZv9SSXSp10E/s320/Appalachian%252520Mountains_sm.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">On Monday morning, my job took me Southwest into the State of Virginia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will be the first to admit that there are parts of Virginia that are absolutely beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Virginia is such a diverse state in regards to the fact there is Ocean front, marsh lands, large rivers, fairly flat lands, and even majestic mountains.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We even host the world famous Luray Caverns and if you haven’t seen them, you should try to make it out one day.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One of the things Southwest Virginia is known for is Coal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have a number of large coal mines deep in the Appalachian mountains.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My eventual destination was one of these towns.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve travelled all over the state, but I had not yet been to coal town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a coal virgin, I really wasn’t sure what to expect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So when I pulled into town, I was quite bug eyed.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It seems that coal towns are planned rather differently than most towns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At least the one I visited, and several others I passed through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They make a road, by blasting through rock faces and everything is built along the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stores, houses, you name it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When they run out of room, they simply stack things up the mountain side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sort of like those step pyramids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I got to town, the first thing I noticed was that I had no cell phone service.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This really didn’t surprise me, since you are surrounded by mountains.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew I would have internet access, because I asked the hotel and was quite proudly told “we even have WIRELESS access in our hotel”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not ashamed to admit that I fully expected to have to milk the Hotel owner’s cows to gain access though.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I decided to get something to eat, I asked and it seemed my best choice without spending “the big bucks” by going to the Peking Chinese Restaurant was The Huddle House.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For those not in the know, The Huddle House is pretty much like Waffle House, but they don’t concentrate on waffles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They concentrate on Huddles, whatever those are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suspect it has something to do with Mountain Oysters and if you don’t know what THOSE are, you don’t want to know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trust me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The food?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not to bad actually.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although they were out of butter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How can you be out of butter surrounded by cows?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean come on, just go like, churn some right?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One of the things I learned though, while visiting this town, was why people in mountain country drive so slow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really had never thought about before and just figured it was because people who live in the mountains typically live at a slower pace than us city folk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, nothing could be further from the truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It occurred to me that first of all, to drive 30 miles in the mountains will typically take you an hour. At least.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So mountain folk are just as much in a hurry as the rest of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The problem it seems, is that mountain folk drive slowly because they really don’t know what to expect in the case of what is going to fall off the mountain onto the road in front of their cars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Things like trees, rocks, drunk people, small animals, and bears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, bears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hitting a deer is one thing, but can you imagine hitting a bear?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially one that SHOULD be hibernating?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s a good way to get your car, and your face, eaten real quick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Small animals you can count on, at least for no other reason everywhere else they run OUT INTO the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess it stands to reason they are going to tumble there way OFF a mountain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it happens to be a cat, I fully expect it would land on it’s feet and begin to wash furiously, trying to make you think it was just skiing or something, instead of rolling down a hill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know how cats are.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think the fear of drunk people falling onto the road off the mountain originated from the days of when there were lots of illegal stills.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But maybe I’m wrong about that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There isn’t much to do in these towns as far as I could see, so maybe people just end up drinking to much.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am happy to report though, the town I visited had a brand new place to eat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Brand new building and everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a Pizza Hut.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe next time I go though there I will stop and eat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As long as there are no Mountain Oysters on that pizza that is.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Calibri", "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I do know that I worry about the way that have housing set up in these town though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If a rock at top breaks free, and rolls down the mountain, it’s going to take out houses like a bowling ball and bowling pins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That kinda makes me nervous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And maybe THAT’S why people drink in these towns.</span>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-76032548315340198532011-02-12T19:50:00.000-05:002011-02-12T19:50:59.213-05:00If Life Were Run By Apple and Steve Jobs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEgr8-kCrw0L2AGaFgeeDy9OM0hnZZD9AHuUaN-fSIVvcop5gLUTwfbrxQ9kwZhbYH5Iu9HGRAw-Nogd31unMFkYo_3XgEXLWwofwPoN7N54rtG07dxKmJalVVHFb3ORlgvLY-f7w4tLg/s1600/apple+vs+microsoft_sm.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" h5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEgr8-kCrw0L2AGaFgeeDy9OM0hnZZD9AHuUaN-fSIVvcop5gLUTwfbrxQ9kwZhbYH5Iu9HGRAw-Nogd31unMFkYo_3XgEXLWwofwPoN7N54rtG07dxKmJalVVHFb3ORlgvLY-f7w4tLg/s1600/apple+vs+microsoft_sm.bmp" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tonight, I finally decided to stop being lazy and updated the SYNC system in my Ford Taurus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t mind telling you that I love my SYNC system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t have the fancy version with built in navigation and news, etc, but mine does allow for hands free phone use and just as important, streaming music from my iPhone through Bluetooth.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which brings me to an interesting note.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Before I get to that however, please note that Microsoft, Windows, Apple, the iPhone, and anything else mentioned is trademarked by and all that by the appropriate companies etc, etc.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My interesting note is this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>SYNC is a Microsoft and Ford creation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The good thing about the SYNC system is that it is upgradeable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You use a USB drive, download updates, then upload them to your car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would like to say this is an easy task.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I will tell you that if my parents ever owned a Ford Car with Sync, it would NEVER EVER get updated, unless I did it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because like most things Microsoft does, it’s creepy complicated.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">First, you have to plug in the USB drive and choose your update from the SYNC web site.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then you have to try and convince the web site to actually install the update on your USB Drive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes, or often, or almost always, it doesn’t want to corporate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, if you keep with it, you can get your update.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Once you do that, you take the USB Drive to your car, plug it into your USB port in the car, and then… then you have to go though about 48749292749403 steps in your menu system to get the update to INSTALL.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When it’s installed, the car is nice enough to inform you that the installation is complete.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>BUT WAIT.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It hasn’t completed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Honest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The 573937493739 steps in the instructions make SURE YOU UNDERSTAND THIS.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You then have to wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And Wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You wait anywhere from 8 to 20 minutes for the car to ONCE AGAIN TELL YOU THE INSTALLATION IS COMPLETE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because obviously, this makes TOTAL SENSE.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then, you once again plug the USB drive into the computer and try to “report successful installation”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This means the web site must communicate with your USB Drive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, as I’m sure you guessed, almost never works.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is so you can erase everything on the USB Drive, download the VERSION Checker, and run THAT in your car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This design is obviously done on purpose, by some nerd who thinks this is funny.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Funny thing is, I find this no different than Windows on my computer.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now don’t get me wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like Windows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mostly because when I entered the work force (a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away), everything ran on DOS.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For you young whipper snappers, that is also a Microsoft operating system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One that required that you TYPE in everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you were smart, you could build a shell program that with the press of a button would launch programs for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, windows came around and made things easier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meaning you could use a mouse to double click on icons which would start a program.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is, I’m sure, what you are all familiar with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, Windows crashed a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Got lots of updates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And was genuinely a pain in the rear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is because Bill Gates and his employees are all Nerds of highest sort, who think that everyone needs to be as smart as them to run a computer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">At one time, there was some slight completion to Microsoft.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was Apple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But for some reason, Apple didn’t take off as quickly as the board thought it should so they kicked the man who invented Apple out of the company.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m talking about Steve Jobs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, because they couldn’t do a better job of taking over the world like Bill Gates and his Nerds did, they brought him back into the fold.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Steve Jobs them started quickly slamming the Nerds and brow beat them into FUNCTIONALITY over all, along with EASE OF USE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s when the iPod came out, and pretty much changed the world as we know it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Soon, there were millions of people walking around with those trade mark white ear phones in, listening to music.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now Microsoft, not to be outdone, already had a media player that would allow you to rip music, and also transfer it to a music playing device.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trouble was, it was so difficult to use, no one wanted to use it.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I leaned this when I got my daughter an iPod for Christmas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I downloaded iTunes, plugged the iPod in and was simply… amazed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was so easy to use that even I could do it, and that is saying something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With the release of the iPhone, and then the iPad, that simplicity hasn’t changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, it has it’s problems now and then, but even where there is one, it’s really really easy to recover from.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So all this got me thinking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What would it be like if Microsoft or Apple ran your life?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">MICROSOFT:</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wake up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Got to bathroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Push buttons on toilet until you get to the right menu option to flush.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When it crashes and hangs, call a plumber (technical support).</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Get in your car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try to sort through various menu options to get car to start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Car won’t start so you call your mechanic (technical support).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or, the car starts, and you drive to work, trying frantically to keep up with pushing various buttons to sort through menus to use blinkers, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hope the car doesn’t experience a system crash.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you happen to make it to work, hope that the car cuts off, instead of “hanging”, causing you once again to call your mechanic (technical support).</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Work all day at the office, hoping your computer doesn’t give you any trouble, making you call IT (technical support).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it does have trouble, you don’t get any work done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, the computer will helpfully display a message advising you to check the Microsoft Knowledge base for help, but you can’t connect to the internet, because your computer is not working.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Drive home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hope the car, once again, gets you there without having to call your mechanic (technical support).</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Try to fix dinner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Scroll through various menus to make the stove work, hoping like mad nothing goes wrong and causes the house to fill with gas, causing an explodion when the stove lighter works at random times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But this time, there is an update for your stove, which you have to install before cooking dinner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, the update won’t download, so you have to call a repair man (technical support) and you go to bed hungry.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just so you know, all technical support is handled by someone in another country, who has an accent so think you can’t understand what they are trying to tell you, and apparently has trouble understanding you as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They will seem more interested in updating your “information”, such as address, e-mail, and phone number, than anything else.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">APPLE:</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You wake up, go to the bathroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Push a button to flush.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it doesn’t work, it recovers automatically with one push of a button and off you go to eat breakfast.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You get in your car, push a button and your car starts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it doesn’t another push of the same button recovers everything and the car starts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As you drive, there is only one button to push to use everything like blinkers, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As you drive, you notice an update is available.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You push the button and the update installs while you are driving. Oh and the car plays your favorite tunes, or allows you to talk on the phone while you drive.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You get to work and use your computer, slightly irritated by the fact the mouse only has one button, but at least you meet your deadline.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The plus side is, you can listen your favorite tunes while you work.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You get in your car and drive home, while listening to your favorite tunes.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You get home and cook dinner on the stove, which also has one button that somehow knows exactly WHAT you are cooking and works like a charm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, and the stove helpfully plays your favorite tunes while you eat.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Boy I could go on, but I think you get the idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though I still use Windows, this is how it seems the world would be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, I think I will go download some music from the iTunes store, and push a button and watch it install on my iPhone… with ease.</span></div>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-82948871590189790632011-02-12T14:43:00.000-05:002011-02-12T14:43:47.117-05:00Clandestine Meetings and Babies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkSWKcmr1dGNB_BwHhud_9HngK5v3WVBK9VRN7zMeDeEayoUq2hafRZFuvGUWansHfRTOLIPjUxAlT1rSRs4BMqZpQjSCbjaNKHPrn6tEohYvHXKiDGmYNSZ-Eh4DeU-v3pGBAwNNPCr8/s1600/Stork-Baby-Delivery_sm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" h5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkSWKcmr1dGNB_BwHhud_9HngK5v3WVBK9VRN7zMeDeEayoUq2hafRZFuvGUWansHfRTOLIPjUxAlT1rSRs4BMqZpQjSCbjaNKHPrn6tEohYvHXKiDGmYNSZ-Eh4DeU-v3pGBAwNNPCr8/s1600/Stork-Baby-Delivery_sm.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not only does my wife refuse to grow old gracefully, but she pretty much refuses to do anything that resembles normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think she took the idea of being unique to a whole new level.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But maybe she is just weird.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or is crazy from being married to me for so long.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One of the things that she refused to do normally was be pregnant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh I know, every pregnancy is different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But well, my wife tried to take this to new heights.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Before I go ahead with that, I guess I really need to start at the beginning.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I used to work for a Secret Government Agency, and my wife worked for an Agency that’s letter’s resemble FBI.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ok, so FBI it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was overseas, doing secret government work, and she was working on a high profile case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trouble was, our cases, so to speak, were connected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had documents that I needed information from to seek out my target and save the free world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I figured it would be easy enough to sneak into her hotel room while she was sleeping.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trouble is, my wife is not only beautiful, but smart and sneaky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was caught red handed, in her hotel room, with a gun to my head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I, being the witty and charming fellow that I am, managed to talk my way out of a bullet to the head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also somehow managed to take advantage of the fact that she slept in the nude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did I mention my wife is beautiful?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It must have been something in the air or water, but in the interest of national security, we decided to pool our resources.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We pooled our resources a number of times that night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was sweaty work, but extremely nice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because we worked for different agencies, we decided to keep our meeting a secret, thus The Clandestine Meeting of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Several months later, I got notice from her that she was pregnant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They say it only takes once, but since our Clandestine meeting involved numerous pooling of resources that one night, who knows which pool was to blame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, clearly mine, but that’s how it goes.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ok, the above might not be true, except for the pregnant part.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My wife DID get pregnant, which came as a shock to us both.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was happy, she?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At least not at first. By the time she was happy, she had become to realize how blessed she had been with her pregnancy so far.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No morning sickness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No weird cravings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clearly I was also blessed, since I wasn’t sent by an angry hormonal pregnant woman out in the middle of the night to obtain some weird item that she HAD TO HAVE RIGHT NOW.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What she did crave was watermelon, grapes and popsicles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And by watermelon, I mean whole ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That she would eat in one day. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only time she ever got sick was when one or two things happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first was due to a commercial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>McDonald’s at one time has a western omelet biscuit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whenever my wife would see that commercial, she would have to run to the bathroom to lose all her watermelon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The second was onions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My wife loves onions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Always have, but apparently our gestating baby growing in her belly didn’t because any time she had onions?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, she would lose all her watermelon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This once happened in a parking<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>lot after going out to eat one night.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When the time finally came for our baby to arrive, we were both not ready.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had been sick and in the hospital for two days and my wife had the flu.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But we were in bed, and she kept sitting up all though the night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked if she was ok, and she said yes, but she had indigestion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had indigestion alright.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kind that spells KID.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I finally asked her if she was in labor and she said I don’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t long before she admitted that yes, she thought she was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, those who have had children will say you know when you are in labor, but again, remember my wife does nothing normal like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the morning, we went to the doctor and they clarified that she was indeed in labor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then they did the strangest thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They sent us HOME.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was clearly in shock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My wife was about to have a BABY.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why should we go home?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They said we had plenty of time, to time the contractions, and when they reached a certain point, to go to the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So we sat at home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All day long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the end of the day (by that I mean close to 5 PM), we called her doctor’s office back and they were like, “What?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are still at home?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Come to the hospital! You’re having a baby for gosh shakes!”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I won’t repeat my response to that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I bundled up my pregnant wife and off we went to the hospital.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Once there, a flurry of activity started.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before we knew it, she was in a maternity bed with nurses surrounding her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since her water hadn’t broken, that had to be done manually, as well as giving her something to get the contractions moving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now the thing is, one of the things they tell you when having a baby is to have warm thick socks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because your feet are going to get cold because after all, you are going to be half naked with a bunch of strangers looking at your privates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When they break your water, they curl you in a ball, and jam something up inside you, which let me tell you does NOT seem right, which promptly soaked her warm socks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So now I had a hormonal and slightly scared pregnant woman with cold feet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let me just say that was a scary moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My wife has cute little feet, but she hates her toes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now those toes were exposed and she was NOT happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Plus her feet were cold, at least until she got her epidural, or as my wife calls it, “A Blessing From Heaven”.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">BUT first, they gave her something to help take the edge off until they could arrange for the epidural.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She, being who she is, had a strange reaction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although not in pain, when they started an IV, she started to cry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was, of course, concerned, until she looked at me and said, “I don’t know why I’m crying, it didn’t even hurt”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m thinking she was crying at the sight of my face.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Eventually, she got the epidural, and all was right with the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not that she would have known, since she promptly did what most people with a sleep condition do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She slept through long periods of her labor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, before I forget, she had a LOOONG labor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only did it start in the middle of the night, but had lasted all through the day and was now well into dark.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They gave her that drug to speed up her contractions, and of course, you guessed it, she had a reaction to THAT as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So they had to slow it down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eventually, my wife decided to wake up and get this show on the road and deliver a baby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The trouble was, she hated the doctor that was on call that night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean REALLY hated him. Her regular baby doctor is a very well known German baby doctor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, if you have ready any of the Kay Scarpetta books by Patricia Cornwell, then you would have recognized her since one of the characters in the book was based on this doctor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It just so happenes that she was, that very night, ready to fly to the Caribbean. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But she was at the hospital, heard my wife was in labor and stuck her head in the door with a smile and said “how are you doing?”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure exactly what it was my wife said that caused the good doc to change her plans but before we knew it, she was “scrubbed in” and took charge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was giving everyone orders, even me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not ashamed to admit it but I was jumping to do her bidding as much as everyone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">While my wife was doing her part, as in pushing, there was a nurse there who kept rubbing her leg and giving my wife encouragement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For some reason, having a numb leg rubbed really irritated my wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most husbands have to endure abuse when their lady is giving birth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got lucky, because my wife decided to take it all out on the nurse rubbing her leg, instead of blaming her current predicament on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was almost sad by this, because I had planned on telling her that if she hadn’t slept naked and held a gun to my head during our clandestine meeting, she wouldn’t BE in this predicament.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I never got the chance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead, I got to hear my sweet little wife tell a nice nurse “if you touch my leg again, I’m going to hit you”.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It wasn’t long before the miracle of our daughter graced the world with her presence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know I’m her father and all, but I swear, she was most beautiful baby in the world.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So that is how my wife did the very un-normal method of delivery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most men have to rush around because they can’t think while their wives take control, go to the hospital, faint at the sight of a baby coming out of their wife, get blamed for the whole thing, then bask in proud fatherhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got the last part down, but the rest?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, it was interesting to say the least.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Calibri", "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Funny thing though, we never did get hazard pay for our overseas assignments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I guess a beautiful wife giving you a beautiful daughter is payment enough. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It certainly was for me.</span>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-67984075436179007822011-01-29T17:21:00.000-05:002011-01-29T17:21:40.750-05:00Rubber Chickens, Clown Noses and Taxes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWDxlNQLLzKaqpMf37UGrRlrlgIZamLsXCXjX8Tbgjgfi3finNNkDm3wjfiQZ-GT-K4VALKQl27Y2QabnQB4Dkgfg9TfWHOjxddwNjBnnRhjzbHSu_A3rqAmMs7ajJV2IQHFCcWcwSBUY/s1600/filing-taxes-late-or-dont-file_sm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWDxlNQLLzKaqpMf37UGrRlrlgIZamLsXCXjX8Tbgjgfi3finNNkDm3wjfiQZ-GT-K4VALKQl27Y2QabnQB4Dkgfg9TfWHOjxddwNjBnnRhjzbHSu_A3rqAmMs7ajJV2IQHFCcWcwSBUY/s1600/filing-taxes-late-or-dont-file_sm.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hello from Awkward Humor!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know it’s been awhile since I’ve posted, which I apologize for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Things have been extremely crazy for me over the last few weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m hoping that this week will see things calm down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wrote several posts, but decided not to post them, since they didn’t meet my standard.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I’m here now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure you missed me, and who could blame you?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s tax time again, the part of the year where we all gripe and moan, and hope to get back tons of money from our Government.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hey, at least they DO give back what we over paid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s always been a mystery to me why our tax laws are so difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I blame it on the rich who manage to somehow get exemptions passed so they can keep even more of the millions they already have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently, they think they can take it with them when they die.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure how they plan on doing that since a casket is only so big.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, with that much money I guess you can have a custom casket built as big as you want.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fortunately, that is not my problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe that is unfortunately, since I’m not rich.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I digress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was writing about taxes.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Maneuvering through the various tax paperwork is like maneuvering through a mine field.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s something my wife refuses to let me do, because she is smart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do, however, count myself lucky that I have her to do our taxes instead of lugging all our papers to someone to do if for us.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which brings me to the point of this post.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What, exactly, has come of the world when companies who do taxes for you offer it though a carnival atmosphere?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Seriously, have you noticed?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">All you have to do is drive down the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You will see people standing on street corners, in various stages of dress, dancing, gesturing, even singing, trying to point you to their service.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve seen signs and even <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a certain company who gets someone dressed as the Statue of Liberty to try and convince you that you should come and get your taxes done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess they think that everyone drives around with all their financial paperwork in the car, so that when they see a crazy dancing person they will go “hey, that reminds me, it’s time to get my taxes done and I have no problem putting my tax return in the hands of a dancing teenager dressed as the Statue of Liberty.”</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Because, hey, that makes perfect sense.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t know about you, but the fact that these companies will even put people on street corners dancing and gesturing, even singing, doesn’t exactly inspire me to confidence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, maybe these companies give rubber chickens or clown noses as a return instead of cash.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t intend to find out.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Instead, I will keep trusting my lovely wife to do our tax returns, and leave the clowning around to those on street corners.</span></div>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-56072090241959647762011-01-17T20:40:00.000-05:002011-01-17T20:40:08.070-05:00Hazmat Suits, Lysol, and Tonsils.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsf73Iq9K3DsmIJkUXXwfwvbiOl3PV37ynmwVG-JYxgDEh-9vHdCLUhoAnSvb9R4mTb-0GkebiaYTw18GyXc0FzFlhB9xHzYnq7gq8UnhwaNWIm7fRNde0LPU5HEdaZ2kQMYiMQ7ZGi0M/s1600/sick_boy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="276" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsf73Iq9K3DsmIJkUXXwfwvbiOl3PV37ynmwVG-JYxgDEh-9vHdCLUhoAnSvb9R4mTb-0GkebiaYTw18GyXc0FzFlhB9xHzYnq7gq8UnhwaNWIm7fRNde0LPU5HEdaZ2kQMYiMQ7ZGi0M/s320/sick_boy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s the season.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The season of germs, flu, colds, viruses and other nasty bugs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no way to avoid it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everywhere you go, someone is sneezing, dripping, or coughing in your face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I were a lesser person, I would consider filing restraining orders against all sick people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But alas, I know it’s something you have to deal with, every SINGLE year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t defeat the common cold or the flu.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Here, in our household, we have to deal with it as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I must unfortunately admit that I am getting older, since I now usually manage to get sick at least once a year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was younger, I rarely got sick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was kid, I was always sick, but that’s another story.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My daughter, bless her tiny little heart, gets sick every year about this time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I blame it on the fact that Doctors no longer remove tonsils.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every year, she gets some nasty infection, which usually develops into strep throat, enlarged tonsils, and high fevers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, dealing with the Doctors during all of this is no fun, since you can’t convince them you know your child better than they do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As is always the case, when my little girl (who is 18 but will always be my little girl) starts saying “my throat hurts”, you can bet money on the fact she has the beginning stages of strep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Despite the history of this, in her medical records, the Doctors refuse to do anything until it’s too late.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which means they end up writing her notes excusing her from school for at least a week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes more.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We are, at this time, going on day 4 of her being out of school.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She went to the Doctor again today, and she saw her regular Doctor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As you know, during the cold and flu season, it’s next to impossible to see your regular Doctor within a 2 week period.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think this is a conspiracy by Doctors who probably get tired of seeing the same faces over and over. Somehow, my wife managed a miracle and got an appointment for the kid this morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, after already missing three days (going on 4) of school, and still being very sick (including a fever), what does she say?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Oh this won’t do.” And promptly prescribes enough antibiotics to cure a third world country of every disease known to mankind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why this couldn’t have been done on the FIRST visit is an eternal mystery that ranks up there with why toast almost always lands butter side down on the floor and how a very clean teenage girl can have a bathroom so nasty the homeless would refuse to sleep there.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So in a few days, my daughter will finally start to get well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the meantime, my wife is ALSO sick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know if she has the same thing, as it’s not presenting the same, but she has the sniffles, stuffy head, cough, and aches.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I now feel like I should be wearing a hazmat suit in my own house people.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know what’s going to happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Despite already being sick ONCE this season, I’m going to end up sick again. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I’m surrounded by demonic germs of the sickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which sounds like the name of a rock band.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you want to use that as the name of your band, feel free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll expect a 5% royalty check in the mail on everything you sell.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m starting to feel a little desperate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Earlier, I found myself looking for Lysol, so I could gleefully spray the entire house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And maybe my wife and daughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve even considered telling them to open wide and spray the stuff down their throats.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I REALLY don’t want to get sick again.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Maybe I will get lucky and the years of learning every crafty ninja germ deflecting move will work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But probably not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Soon, I’ll probably be on the couch, whining and complaining about how bad I feel and calling for my wife every 10 minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hey, I’m a man, it’s what we do when sick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This will, of course, prompt her to roll her eyes, mutter under her breath, spend lots of time in rooms where she can’t hear me, and then post a blog about what a pain in her rear end I am.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">That’s about the only bonus that will come of this, I’m telling you now.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Calibri", "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">So off I go, armed with Febreze in one hand and Lysol in the other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wish me luck, or you’ll be hearing from my wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, and as I side note, cats don’t like spray cans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Judging from the way they run and scatter when they hear that can hiss, I believe they think you are spraying the Ebola virus at them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh yeah, and if I do get sick again, I will be resuming my campaign to get my wife to dress up like a nurse again and play "Doctor".<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sorta like the nurse below.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I keep telling her it would make me get well faster, which usually prompts her to tell me to shut it and hide in another room. No doubt only in the attempt to not get sick again herself. I'm sure that's the story she will stick with anyway.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT-3pKNJEIdbEP668lkAsq9-9GAYpnALbQakADoMW3857Sm1h1z4wSP8epkWRyWJrJDG-4O8YF-vvgAYwBWlq367pOvU7-eL32OJb4KGjIHMIPpD6qnmCdrjfQVcTcbY8CFCuKwQ5m0X0/s1600/Sexy+Nurse_sm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT-3pKNJEIdbEP668lkAsq9-9GAYpnALbQakADoMW3857Sm1h1z4wSP8epkWRyWJrJDG-4O8YF-vvgAYwBWlq367pOvU7-eL32OJb4KGjIHMIPpD6qnmCdrjfQVcTcbY8CFCuKwQ5m0X0/s320/Sexy+Nurse_sm.jpg" width="185" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri", "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Mhm-hmm. Dressing like this would make me feel real perky, really fast.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri", "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Until next time, when I'm sure I'll be blogging from my sick bed.</span></div>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-62746971208250271812011-01-11T23:25:00.000-05:002011-01-11T23:25:55.660-05:00I gots me another award!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcIqQGjzW0YQUdgpBLYD8jFd4OZY_JsZQyWD5HDCyuinoLfotSwlD4MeBGW9DRx50riBG7acQoGnLXDWd26MrxIID6C2wX5F_sVhG1zcJa2oxEIh04OZYth3-lhCRHyKuSW7nFoimcpSE/s1600/Life_Is_Good_Award.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcIqQGjzW0YQUdgpBLYD8jFd4OZY_JsZQyWD5HDCyuinoLfotSwlD4MeBGW9DRx50riBG7acQoGnLXDWd26MrxIID6C2wX5F_sVhG1zcJa2oxEIh04OZYth3-lhCRHyKuSW7nFoimcpSE/s1600/Life_Is_Good_Award.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Carol, over at <a href="http://facing50withhumour.blogspot.com/"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Facing 50 with Humor</span></a> apparently got drunk last week and decided to give me an award. She is so sweet. I'm sure she wasn't drunk, but the fact she gave me an award? Hmmm. Perhaps it was a mistake? Maybe not, but I'm happy to have it! Thank you Carol!<br />
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In getting this award, I have to answer some questions. In addition, I'm supposed to pass it out some. Which I will in the near future.<br />
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So here are the rules, questions, and my answers.<br />
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Here are the things you have to do when you get this award:<br />
1. First, thank and link back to the person that gave the award.<br />
2. Answer the 10 survey questions<br />
3. Pass the award along to other bloggers whom you think are fantastic.<br />
4. Contact the bloggers you have chosen to let them know about the award.<br />
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<b>1. If you blog anonymously, are you happy doing this? If you aren't anonymous, do you wish you started out anonymously, so that you could be anonymous now?</b><br />
I never considered blogging anonymously. I’m just so charming, I would be recognized no matter how I tried to hide. But seriously, I really didn’t want to. I don’t really have anything to hide, as I don’t blast family, friends, or my job. The things I write about are not anything that would get me into trouble. Except with my wife.<br />
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<b>2. Describe an incident that shows your inner stubborn side.</b><br />
There are way to many incidents to try and remember a particular one. But I will say I could out stubborn a really cranky mule. By shooting it. Well, maybe not, but stubborn I am.<br />
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<b>3. What do you see when you really look at yourself in the mirror?</b><br />
I think I’m practically a vampire as I have no reflection. Yes, either I’m a vampire, or the mirror refuses to reflect me to keep from breaking itself (a very sad form of mirror suicide).<br />
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<b>4. What is your favourite summer cold drink?</b><br />
Iced Tea. No, coffee. No Iced Tea. Hmmm, maybe it’s a draw.<br />
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<b>5. When you take time for yourself, what do you do?</b><br />
I read. I read a lot. I don’t read as much as I want to, since money is tight and I am to lazy to go deal with the library. I’m convinced that the government keeps records of what people check out of the library and they don’t need any more evidence of how weird I am.<br />
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<b>6. Is there something that you still want to accomplish in your life?</b><br />
I have a bucket list. You know, the famous list that you make of things you want to do before you die? It’s a long list, and has some very interesting things on it. Some of them are even legal.<br />
<br />
<b>7. When you attended school, were you the class clown, the class overachiever, the shy person, or always ditching?</b><br />
I was none of these things. I was a nerd. In the school band. Hanging with my fellow nerds. Doing nerd things.<br />
<br />
<b>8. If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life, what would you see?</b><br />
It’s a toss up between the birth of my daughter or when I finally became potty trained. But I’m certain my daughter has a slight lead.<br />
<br />
<b>9. Is it easy for you to share your true self in your blog, or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people and events?</b><br />
I’ve never liked this question because no matter what you blog about, yourself or others, it’s all about YOU. YOU being in control. Plus, with the possibility of being a vampire, I don’t share myself for protection against stakes.<br />
<br />
<b>10. If you had the choice to sit down and read a book or talk on the phone, which would you do and why?</b><br />
Oh I would read. All day long if I could. If I could get paid to read, that would be close to being a dream job.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">I would like to pass this award on to: (coming soon)</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-89867414924076296862011-01-11T20:32:00.000-05:002011-01-11T20:32:27.676-05:00Escaping the Femine Prison<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRd7WwsD6meavAbobHqbL2QIARzafo7ywR0l6Degjpa1J9RgZmyHNLyw9pM9LLVhyphenhyphenqhN4t2YM5R-iIvNxXJ8s0MTmQMyItlkOhHghpMEA5MCsfUQQOf18VTGIgv6mvNEPzERgyE_Tx3wA/s1600/Manly+Man+Cave_sm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRd7WwsD6meavAbobHqbL2QIARzafo7ywR0l6Degjpa1J9RgZmyHNLyw9pM9LLVhyphenhyphenqhN4t2YM5R-iIvNxXJ8s0MTmQMyItlkOhHghpMEA5MCsfUQQOf18VTGIgv6mvNEPzERgyE_Tx3wA/s320/Manly+Man+Cave_sm.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s been a busy 8 days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know I haven’t done a regular post, unless it was a guest post, but as you should know, we had a friend of my wife’s in for a visit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has gone home, just in time to get pounded with snow.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But now that she is gone, I find myself somewhat relieved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, I like my wife’s friend and yes I enjoyed having her here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, there is something you must understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having another woman in the house, who is your wife’s friend, seriously curtails your manhood.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know that for all you women reading this, you will soon curl your lip, especially if you are married.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But being a man, is being a man, and there are things we do, as men, that we do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was unable to engage in my normal manly things since we had a quest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In other words, I had to be on my BEST BEHAVIOUR.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Do you understand how difficult this is, as a man, to pull off?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was unable to sneak downstairs in the middle of the night in my underwear to get something to drink.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was unable to walk around the house, farting as I am used to doing, especially when I’m looking to disgust my wife and daughter and get a quick laugh out of it.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was unable to burp out in the open, no matter where I was in the house.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was unable to scratch my butt, or other parts of my anatomy, when I felt like it.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was unable to take the remote, with my hand halfway down my pants like Al Bundy, and channel surf.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I could not do any of these things, in order not to embarrass my wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hey, don’t judge me, she knows where I sleep and is a little overly fond of sharp objects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was like a PRISON.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But now?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I’m free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Free to burp, fart, walk around in my underwear, channel surf, and generally do what I do best.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be a man.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Freedom never felt so good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe that was the loud obnoxious fart I just let out.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have a number of comments and other things I will be taking care of over the next few days to get back into the swing of things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope everyone is having a good week, and is not totally frozen.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Until next time, take care.</span></div>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-30982164552603858712011-01-08T14:40:00.000-05:002011-01-08T14:40:13.182-05:00Another Guest Post Today<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZzpOx85cF5VYcNKVq3as6MdYCh04_1ED2ROdBqHRqdQE_HvezOiw_L1pCrZpFc_wQU_bBsVu1aYJb9A2Kbvnuxz6UKQD0U09g7bPqL8kyp-b8Cq3OjuA8OxkHI6JsjvdpJIRXu2mYLsE/s1600/BEST-FRIEND-175.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZzpOx85cF5VYcNKVq3as6MdYCh04_1ED2ROdBqHRqdQE_HvezOiw_L1pCrZpFc_wQU_bBsVu1aYJb9A2Kbvnuxz6UKQD0U09g7bPqL8kyp-b8Cq3OjuA8OxkHI6JsjvdpJIRXu2mYLsE/s320/BEST-FRIEND-175.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
I like how my wife decided that since her friend from NY was in town, I somehow had to find time between running them around, entertaining them, and running to the store for them, to post on her blogs for her.<br />
<br />
Eh, she knows where I sleep and loves sharp objects so I of course DID manage to find the time. Somehow. It involved lots of alcohol, and a time machine build by aliens. But that's another story.<br />
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So head on over, take a look see at <a href="http://djpr2001.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-best-friend-who-is-not-dog.html">Write Now Write Later.</a>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-4283649243830231422011-01-07T07:43:00.000-05:002011-01-07T07:43:24.248-05:00Hey, it's not just you ladies you know...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZT7vAUPW1L0xasUcnW_U8IDZghUMKklrUd7gX6qOXlqngd-VtbYZNFHJuYsc_9mBlrcbusMEK59BCLIAKoi1cdfxOxbbLVJhWkkGawNoopyl-4ADuGJ8teDSqY6QgNi8Kbe-N-kCddcw/s1600/Grumpy+Old+Man.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZT7vAUPW1L0xasUcnW_U8IDZghUMKklrUd7gX6qOXlqngd-VtbYZNFHJuYsc_9mBlrcbusMEK59BCLIAKoi1cdfxOxbbLVJhWkkGawNoopyl-4ADuGJ8teDSqY6QgNi8Kbe-N-kCddcw/s1600/Grumpy+Old+Man.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Today I guest posted over at Refusing To Grow Old Gracefully. Go on over, check it out. Then look around. <a href="http://rtagracefully.blogspot.com/2011/01/hey-its-not-just-you-ladies-you-know.html">Hey, It's not just you ladies you know....</a>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-68227686563559243972011-01-06T18:12:00.000-05:002011-01-06T18:12:54.872-05:00Dave Barry's Year in Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8PdGa0umg4kD3V_xjhBK3l4Nm9VAecQW-uBLWjD4ossAXVx6OGQWWIE6JOi_Sp1EMQa_rP3c7ovf3AEQVIoXksIFtjZJA_mIj76u-HjzUG-84t-83oJ-Sx4he4MGQUs9PRBYwnVfjXxk/s1600/dave-barry_sm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8PdGa0umg4kD3V_xjhBK3l4Nm9VAecQW-uBLWjD4ossAXVx6OGQWWIE6JOi_Sp1EMQa_rP3c7ovf3AEQVIoXksIFtjZJA_mIj76u-HjzUG-84t-83oJ-Sx4he4MGQUs9PRBYwnVfjXxk/s1600/dave-barry_sm.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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Dave Barry is one of my non-fiction writers. If you don't know who he is, he is was once a humor columnist for the Miami Hearld (if memory serves). Now he has retired from that postion but every year he writes a column on the year in review. I know a lot of people hate these type posts, but I always find Dave's very amusing. So click the link, sit back, and enjoy.<br />
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<a href="http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/01/01/1992746/dave-barrys-2010-year-in-review.html">Dave Barry's 2010 Year In Review</a>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-58739560305178991312011-01-02T20:35:00.000-05:002011-01-02T20:35:51.911-05:00I've Been Given an Award. Color Me Surprised!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9eMkqzFulNTDpjfIwCEpom_ijPEhgZXUmltC4bCKh9lxvB93mxT9V_OX68_6wgnagHp06ZxVUNMoZgqxyf9Sd4BoDuvX8ex8WcKfdC2-sAqIQ7yspFrF2kKZXFSDHb3YqfIw0iinvyDo/s1600/Stylish-Blogger.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9eMkqzFulNTDpjfIwCEpom_ijPEhgZXUmltC4bCKh9lxvB93mxT9V_OX68_6wgnagHp06ZxVUNMoZgqxyf9Sd4BoDuvX8ex8WcKfdC2-sAqIQ7yspFrF2kKZXFSDHb3YqfIw0iinvyDo/s1600/Stylish-Blogger.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thanks to Dawn Zhang @ <a href="http://dawn-zhang.blogspot.com/">Letters To Princess</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has been so kind to give me this award. </span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are 4 duties to perform to accept this award:<br />
1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you this award<br />
2. Share 7 things about yourself<br />
3. Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers<br />
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award!<br />
<br />
So the seven things about myself are :</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1.</span><span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m in sales and work for a company that sells chemicals.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2.</span><span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was in the high school band. Yes, I’ve always been a geek.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3.</span><span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I proposed to my wife while she was medicated, just to be sure she would say yes.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">4.</span><span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have an ongoing affair with coffee. My wife understands this and thankfully, accepts it.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">5.</span><span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have been known to make people pee their pants while making them laugh.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">6.</span><span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have way to much gray hair for my age and happen to be very resentful about it.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">7.</span><span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I used to like cats. But my wife insists on collecting them so now? Not so much.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m supposed to pass this award on to 15 other bloggers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trouble is, I don’t have 15 people to pass this on to yet, who don’t already have it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will be doing this chore at a later date </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Calibri", "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Dawn was awfully sweet to give me this award.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can only assume it’s because she was drinking heavily when she considered it (just kidding Dawn!).</span>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-55137548127990055612011-01-01T14:16:00.000-05:002011-01-01T14:16:59.507-05:00My Blackberry is broken<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7CgbsvunDMN28yAx54E2s6ZQOcRk8GCrEUekii6PZY4SUUP76z1dHmzCpKDlsKp315Negj_O_-JKxMKSL9KVMbyzkax9hTFPuNl56UayGMBujy5vUsH5pPpoE6lgsTjXVqAvHOlLce1I/s1600/blackberry-bold-reviews.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="313" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7CgbsvunDMN28yAx54E2s6ZQOcRk8GCrEUekii6PZY4SUUP76z1dHmzCpKDlsKp315Negj_O_-JKxMKSL9KVMbyzkax9hTFPuNl56UayGMBujy5vUsH5pPpoE6lgsTjXVqAvHOlLce1I/s320/blackberry-bold-reviews.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Came across this video and thought it was funny enough to share. If you don't like British humor, you still might get a kick out of this one.<br />
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<br />
<object height="385" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/kAG39jKi0lI?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/kAG39jKi0lI?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1856327751575509302.post-44539983296336316592011-01-01T12:07:00.000-05:002011-01-01T12:07:25.434-05:00New Year, Odd Dreams, and an Alarm Clock<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVaOhmG7EfEqlW48IQ78sMhkshv8guzvl9JoOmgw0vom2S5tu1apmaonolzCICOncyFjsIP9-iKefqq_tH6NtyRLnqS7WYd6mlv4xTmFh2515cwzcEk18ZRcJzS8yF7qq8sR16fbpG2Ak/s1600/alarm-clock_sm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVaOhmG7EfEqlW48IQ78sMhkshv8guzvl9JoOmgw0vom2S5tu1apmaonolzCICOncyFjsIP9-iKefqq_tH6NtyRLnqS7WYd6mlv4xTmFh2515cwzcEk18ZRcJzS8yF7qq8sR16fbpG2Ak/s1600/alarm-clock_sm.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I started my New Year off with weird dreams and waking up early.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wish I could blame it all on going on a binge and drinking way to much last night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, I can’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had one, count ‘em one, glass of really nasty champagne.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I only had one, because it was really bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like so bad it could have passed for cough syrup.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So bad it could have been used for an engine cleaner, but would probably dissolve it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So bad that paint thinner asked it how to be as harsh as it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What do you expect for $ 2.00?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Certainly not having your stomach lining eaten away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ah well.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Like I said, I had weird dreams last night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t really remember them now, which is actually to bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because they were weird as in funny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sharing them might give you a closer look into my strange mind than I want, but hey, them’s the breaks.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can tell you that there were fast cars in there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some lions, a pet monkey (due to a post on twitter last night I’m guessing), a homeless tooth fairy, and some clowns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And a lot of kitchen utensils. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sounds more like one of my wife’s Narcoleptic dream worlds, but let me tell you this kind of thing isn’t normal for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The few times it has happened, I always wake up the next day feeling a little off kilter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like a meteor is about to crash into my front yard or something.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As for waking up, not only was it due to my weird dreams, but also thanks to my daughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Was it because my loving daughter decided to come in, bounce on the bed like when she was younger and tell me she loved me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Was it because she was up earlier than me, being inconsiderate as only an 18 year old vain girl can be in the bathroom?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nope.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">What was it then?</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Her alarm clock.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My daughter takes a little after my wife in some ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mainly, she hates to wake up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So my daughter is a snoozer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know, one of those people who set the alarm, then hit the snooze button a time or two?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hey, I do that myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I DON’T do, is hit the stupid thing for two hours, like my daughter does.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think she is getting me back for all the times I went into her room and bounced on HER bed and told her I love her, acting like a big dog, barking and all that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which is annoying, I know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But being annoying to your children is a God given right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A necessity even.</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Calibri", "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">So, thus begins a New Year and a New Decade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Weird dreams and an annoying alarm clock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Three cheers to coffee, yes?</span>DocKevhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02348619746603710786noreply@blogger.com3