Something's fishy around here and it's snowing minnows

Funny thing.   All week long leading up to Christmas, there has been speculation that we were going to get a big snow storm here.  Now mostly, meteorologists like to agree on things.  But for whatever the reason, this year they can’t seem to agree on anything.  I suspect it was due to something like a summer meteorologists picnic gone wrong.  Too much wine and beer, leading to pushing, shoving, and name calling.  And it probably rained on them, which in my book, seems appropriate, maybe even poetic.  But that’s all beside the point.

We have one local weatherman who has been uncannily correct over the last year on calling bad weather.  Maybe he is practicing  voodoo or something.   Wouldn’t surprise me one bit.  But he was the source of calling for a big snow, and so many people listen to him locally, everyone was getting riled up.  Then, on Thursday, he said: “Opps, I have to eat crow.  All the weather models changed”.  That was big of him, despite all the crying and moaning going on about not getting a white Christmas.  In fact, one of the local TV stations poked fun at him.  Rude, but there ya go.

Then on Friday, our handy dandy weather man, who seems to never be wrong, came back out and said: “OH MY GOSH! Looks like the weather patterns are changing AGAIN, and we will get a big snow on Christmas day and the day after.  Most of the weather stations stayed quite about this all day, until Friday night, when they began to agree that we might get a couple of inches.  No doubt they had all gathered together at a bar to drink, swap stories, lie, hit on each other, and make a stand on what they would all say.

So Christmas morning came, and by the afternoon, it was snowing here.  Snowing and snowing good.  We went to my parents last night and by the time we came home (about 8:00 PM) it was starting to stick to the roads and looked like there was no sign of it stopping.  So this morning?  Woke up to this, and it’s still snowing.

You will note how messed up the snow on the deck is.  And that I can’t take a picture that is level.  But ignore that part.  The snow is messed up because the cat-lady I happen to be married to let her brood of cats out and they starting trying to tunnel under the snow.  Weird and creepy.

Now if I was this uncannily voodoo involved weatherman, I think I would be crowing, instead of eating crow.  He was right after all.  It looks like we have about 6” of the white stuff and it’s still coming down.  He says we will end up with up to 12” and right now, it looks possible.

Now the fun part begins.  You see, on Christmas Eve, while my daughter was working, my wife and I spent a very little amount of money on a used desk from Goodwill.  I kinda need a decent desk, and the one I am using, she hates.  She would have chopped it up already while I slept, if she knew where the axe was.  Luckily, I’m a smart man, and keep it well hidden.  But the problem is now we have to go get that desk.  Today.  While it’s snowing.  And as I’ve already explained in previous posts, snow in Richmond does not make for safe roads.  We have a big, gas guzzling, Dodge Durango which could drive up Mount Everest, but I have to watch out for all the stupid drivers out there, which are legion.

Once that is done, I have to take my kid to work.  She works at a gaming store (yeah she is a nerd, even if she doesn’t look like one.  Unless you can call looking like a Barbie Doll a nerd).  I swear I think their store does as much business as it does because all the nerd boys come to gawk at her and get sweaty palms.  Which, as a father, creeps me out.

Side note: I just came in from cleaning off the Durango.  Seems we have had temps get just low enough to freeze so I had to scrape all the windows.  Of course NOW it’s well below freezing, 28 Degrees in fact.  Obviously I didn’t’ have on gloves and a coat, because with this face, and this body, adding a coat makes me look like a scary Frosty the Snow Man and I send kids screaming for cover.

I’m about to leave to brave the cold and snowy roads to go get gas, the desk, and stuff to make soup.  I’ll finish this post when I’m back, and the desk is in place.

*************(HOURS AND HOURS LATER) *************

Not only did I get the stuff for soup, got it made, got the desk, got the desk in place, but I also took the geekgirl to work.  It was… Adventure Time, as my daughter likes to say.

If you’ve read my previous post on what happens here in Richmond when it snows, then you know what I’m saying here.  IT WAS RIDICULOUS OUT THERE.  The main roads were clear, just wet from melting snow.  The neighborhood roads are still covered with about an inch at least.  Which would make you think smart people would stay home and off the roads.  Obviously there are no smart people in Richmond.  Before you point that pointy finger at ME, let me remind you I’m not speaking of the people who KNOW HOW TO DRIVE IN THE SNOW.  Like me.

So let’s see.  My neighbor?  Somehow some person, no doubt in a sports car with tires made for sticking to DRY PAVEMENT, ended up in his yard.  How do I know?  Because there are tire tracks through it.  How they got there is a mystery, since we live on a corner and the road is actually exiting our neighborhood and wasn’t covered in snow.

On the way home?  Yeah.  Someone in a Toyota tried to stop at the stop sign, almost sliding out into the road so I could hit him.  Deliberate?  Not sure.  Good driver?  Probably not.  Should he be allowed on the road?  ABSOLUTELY NOT.  Oh well, it’s his insurance that will take the ding, not my personal checking account.

Oh yeah, and when we got geekgirl to work?  People streaming into the game store.  Because, you know, if you’re a geek, you gotta visit the game store EVERY DAY WITHOUT FAIL.  Or you will die.  Or the city will explode.  Or C.E.R.N. (look it up people) will create a black hole and destroy us all.  It’s still odd to see my daughter, who could pass for a real life Barbie, going into a game store.  But alas, she got her geekness from me, and loves her job.

Now the only thing left to do is go and get her when her shift ends.  Since it’s still snowing, and the roads starting getting covered again, I’m really not looking forward to it.

The Richmond Snow Problem

Well, the weatherman went and did it.  It started a few days ago with vague comments, and by today, it was full on.

Snow.

There should be a special prison for weathermen (and weatherwomen).

Once again, they are calling for Snow here in Richmond, Virginia.  I don’t know about you and where you live, but here?  Snow = Disaster.  And by disaster, I mean like the banking industry. I happen to like snow and my philosophy has always been the more snow the better.  I like building anatomically correct snowmen and snowwomen.  But there seems to be this issue with people who live in and around Richmond.  Personally, I think it’s caused by Wal-Mart, sending out subliminal messages in their commercials.  Or maybe that’s Hallmark.  Anyway, there are a number of issues that come to mind.

Everyone loses their mind like a Bad Trip at a Pink Floyd Light Show

When even a hint of a chance of snow is announced, people start talking about it.  And talking about it.  And they don’t talk about anything else.  You could be like “Hey, did you hear the President just passed a bill that will make it legal for you to not pay taxes if you make less than a million dollars?” And the response would be, “Forget about that! Did you hear it’s going to snow?!”  It’s as bad as all the teen girls in a high school had just learned Justin Bieber is going to visit and take them all out on a date.

All the Milk and Bread Mysteriously Disappears

Seriously.  No joke here.  Even Houdini would be impressed.  If they even mention flurries, everyone flocks to their local market or quick stop and buys up all the milk and bread they can get their hands on.  Why?  Because they are afraid they will get snowed in for a week.  With nothing to eat.  Why someone would want to survive on nothing but milk and bread during a snow in is puzzling to say the least.  Me?  Give me soup, hot chocolate, spaghetti, chili, cornbread, baked potatoes, you know, real food.  Of course you have to have milk and bread, but come on people!

No Matter How Much Snow, Everyone Thinks it’s a Good Idea To Drive

Despite being convinced they will be snowed in, the first thing everyone does when it’s snowing is climb in their car to drive around.  No matter if it’s an inch, or twenty, they will be on the roads.  In their sports cars that can’t handle it.  When they get stuck, and they always do, others, driving similar cars, stop and try to help them out.  Of course, then means they end up getting stuck too.  Then you have the ones who own SUV’s.  There ought to be a law that anyone who owns an SUV must pass a special driving class proving they can drive the thing in all situations, because let me tell you, these people might as well have strapped skies to their tires and decided to try and drive their vehicle down an Olympic ski jump.

School, or no School

The school situation is always dicey, because school administrators all smoke crack.  But I remember when I was kid, there had to be at least 4 inches of snow on the roads before they closed schools.  Even then, you were lucky if you got out 2 hours early.  They didn’t smoke crack back then because no one had thought of it, instead they smoked pot.  Which is probably why it took them so long to make a decision, because you know, they were in the teachers lounge eating cheetos.  Now days, they either wait for the kids to get to school, then close it, or they close the schools BEFORE IT EVEN SNOWS.  That’s right.  Even on this night, before there is even one single flake falling, one area south of Richmond has closed their schools.

All in all, it’s rather frustrating.  So although I love snow, I’m already irritated.  Tonight, I had to pick my daughter up from work.  She works at a place that has a Wal-Mart in the same shopping area and I swear it took me 15 minutes to get across to the other side of the parking lot and that was only because I refused to stop for the mass of people running inside to buy milk and bread.  The time? It was 9:30 PM.

The last I heard, they were calling for anywhere between 2 and 7 inches here.  No doubt, when I wake up in the morning, there will be 3 cars stuck in my ditch, and my daughter might just have to go in to school, just to turn around and leave again when they close it.

There you have it my friends.  This is what it’s like here in Richmond, Virginia when they are calling for a little snow.  But despite all this, I’ll sit back and enjoy the scenery, as long as I don’t run out of milk and bread.  In fact, I better go to the store.  I only have a gallon of milk and two loaves of bread.

Maybe if I get snowed in, I’ll wake up to find Santa came early and left me a little present: