Escaping the Femine Prison

It’s been a busy 8 days.  I know I haven’t done a regular post, unless it was a guest post, but as you should know, we had a friend of my wife’s in for a visit.  She has gone home, just in time to get pounded with snow.

But now that she is gone, I find myself somewhat relieved.  Yes, I like my wife’s friend and yes I enjoyed having her here.  However, there is something you must understand.  Having another woman in the house, who is your wife’s friend, seriously curtails your manhood.

I know that for all you women reading this, you will soon curl your lip, especially if you are married.  But being a man, is being a man, and there are things we do, as men, that we do.  I was unable to engage in my normal manly things since we had a quest.  In other words, I had to be on my BEST BEHAVIOUR.

Do you understand how difficult this is, as a man, to pull off?

I was unable to sneak downstairs in the middle of the night in my underwear to get something to drink.

I was unable to walk around the house, farting as I am used to doing, especially when I’m looking to disgust my wife and daughter and get a quick laugh out of it.

I was unable to burp out in the open, no matter where I was in the house.

I was unable to scratch my butt, or other parts of my anatomy, when I felt like it.

I was unable to take the remote, with my hand halfway down my pants like Al Bundy, and channel surf.

I could not do any of these things, in order not to embarrass my wife.  Hey, don’t judge me, she knows where I sleep and is a little overly fond of sharp objects.  It was like a PRISON.

But now?  Now I’m free.  Free to burp, fart, walk around in my underwear, channel surf, and generally do what I do best.  Be a man.

Freedom never felt so good.  Or maybe that was the loud obnoxious fart I just let out.

I have a number of comments and other things I will be taking care of over the next few days to get back into the swing of things.  I hope everyone is having a good week, and is not totally frozen.

Until next time, take care.

Another Guest Post Today

I like how my wife decided that since her friend from NY was in town, I somehow had to find time between running them around, entertaining them, and running to the store for them, to post on her blogs for her.

Eh, she knows where I sleep and loves sharp objects so I of course DID manage to find the time.  Somehow.  It involved lots of alcohol, and a time machine build by aliens.  But that's another story.

So head on over, take a look see at Write Now Write Later.

Hey, it's not just you ladies you know...

Today I guest posted over at Refusing To Grow Old Gracefully.  Go on over, check it out. Then look around.  Hey, It's not just you ladies you know....

Dave Barry's Year in Review

Dave Barry is one of my non-fiction writers.  If you don't know who he is, he is was once a humor columnist for the Miami Hearld (if memory serves).  Now he has retired from that postion but every year he writes a column on the year in review.  I know a lot of people hate these type posts, but I always find Dave's very amusing.  So click the link, sit back, and enjoy.

Dave Barry's 2010 Year In Review

I've Been Given an Award. Color Me Surprised!

Thanks to Dawn Zhang @ Letters To Princess.  She has been so kind to give me this award.

There are 4 duties to perform to accept this award:
1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you this award
2. Share 7 things about yourself
3. Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award!

So the seven things about myself are :

1.       I’m in sales and work for a company that sells chemicals.

2.       I was in the high school band. Yes, I’ve always been a geek.

3.       I proposed to my wife while she was medicated, just to be sure she would say yes.

4.       I have an ongoing affair with coffee. My wife understands this and thankfully, accepts it.

5.       I have been known to make people pee their pants while making them laugh.

6.       I have way to much gray hair for my age and happen to be very resentful about it.

7.       I used to like cats. But my wife insists on collecting them so now? Not so much.

I’m supposed to pass this award on to 15 other bloggers.  Trouble is, I don’t have 15 people to pass this on to yet, who don’t already have it.  I will be doing this chore at a later date J

Dawn was awfully sweet to give me this award.  I can only assume it’s because she was drinking heavily when she considered it (just kidding Dawn!).

My Blackberry is broken

Came across this video and thought it was funny enough to share.  If you don't like British humor, you still might get a kick out of this one.

New Year, Odd Dreams, and an Alarm Clock

So I started my New Year off with weird dreams and waking up early.  I wish I could blame it all on going on a binge and drinking way to much last night.  Unfortunately, I can’t.  I had one, count ‘em one, glass of really nasty champagne.  Maybe I only had one, because it was really bad.  Like so bad it could have passed for cough syrup.  So bad it could have been used for an engine cleaner, but would probably dissolve it.  So bad that paint thinner asked it how to be as harsh as it.  What do you expect for $ 2.00?  Certainly not having your stomach lining eaten away.  Ah well.

Like I said, I had weird dreams last night.  I can’t really remember them now, which is actually to bad.  Because they were weird as in funny.  Sharing them might give you a closer look into my strange mind than I want, but hey, them’s the breaks.

I can tell you that there were fast cars in there.  Some lions, a pet monkey (due to a post on twitter last night I’m guessing), a homeless tooth fairy, and some clowns.  And a lot of kitchen utensils.  Sounds more like one of my wife’s Narcoleptic dream worlds, but let me tell you this kind of thing isn’t normal for me.  The few times it has happened, I always wake up the next day feeling a little off kilter.  Like a meteor is about to crash into my front yard or something.

As for waking up, not only was it due to my weird dreams, but also thanks to my daughter.  Was it because my loving daughter decided to come in, bounce on the bed like when she was younger and tell me she loved me?  Nope.  Was it because she was up earlier than me, being inconsiderate as only an 18 year old vain girl can be in the bathroom?  Nope.

What was it then?

Her alarm clock.

My daughter takes a little after my wife in some ways.  Mainly, she hates to wake up.  So my daughter is a snoozer.  You know, one of those people who set the alarm, then hit the snooze button a time or two?  Hey, I do that myself.  What I DON’T do, is hit the stupid thing for two hours, like my daughter does.  I think she is getting me back for all the times I went into her room and bounced on HER bed and told her I love her, acting like a big dog, barking and all that.  Which is annoying, I know.  But being annoying to your children is a God given right.  A necessity even.

So, thus begins a New Year and a New Decade.  Weird dreams and an annoying alarm clock.  Three cheers to coffee, yes?