The Journey Starts Here

Welcome to my odd sense of humor. Not always for the faint of heart.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Is there anything that can stop Chuck Norris? Yes there is.

So I came across yet ANOTHER Chuck Norris joke today.  I will admit that when this fad first started, it was ridiculously hilarious.  Sort of like the whole Mormons and Magnets joke.  But it’s been so long, that honestly, it’s starting to get a little old.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I am not saying Chuck Norris is old.  I value my life.

Anyhow, it got me to thinking.  Since Chuck Norris is so bad, so tough, so awesome, was there nothing in the universe that could pose a threat to him?

After long deliberation, I finally came up with the answer.

But first, let us just establish Chucky boy’s credentials ok?

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there is no sign of life.

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago but death is to scared to tell him.

Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.

Chuck Norris does not need twitter…. He is already following you.

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi’s gas tank as a joke. That semi is now known as Optimus Prime.

When the boogeyman goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris decides to let live.

People, I could go on.  For days.  So, just to be clear, Chuck Norris is awesome.  He is a butt kicker of the highest order.  Nothing can stop Chuck Norris.  Except one thing, one person, one man.

The Burger King Man.

You see, the Burger King is on a whole different level than Chuck Norris.  He is the man who is.. the burger KING.  With an ever smiling face, tights, and a CROWN.  And he is rather tall.

You might be thinking that Chuck Norris could easily take this smiling man, who goes around passing out whoppers at weird moments, but nay, nay, I say.

How can this be?  Well, when you look at Chuck Norris, you see a guy that isn’t tall, has enough black belts to hold up the moon, can kick some serious butt, and you just know he isn’t scared to take you on.

But when you look at the Burger King Man?  You see a tall, skinny man, wearing tights, and a Mask that is always and I mean always smiling.  The creep factor is so out there that it is, quite simply, beyond belief.  Why, the Burger King once was sitting.  In a guys BED, before he woke up.  When the guy woke up, he was obviously scared out of his mind, but STILL TOOK THE WHOPPER.

I’m telling you, this man could make you take arsenic, that’s how creepy he is.

So put them in a ring together?  This is what would happen.  Chuck Norris, being Chuck Norris, would jump from the parking lot, being mindful that he can’t actually fly, but decide to come down in the ring.  The Burger King Man would step over the top rope, being so tall, and carrying a whopper, with cheese.  Chuck would get in fighting stance, preparing to demolish this foolish looking icon of fast food.  The Burger King, unfazed, would simply hold out the Whopper, again, with cheese.  Norris, because he has been running around being so awesome, would obviously be hungry and would greedily snatch the Whopper, and the cheese, being scared, would follow the Whopper.  Norris would then take a large bite, because hey, he IS Chuck Norris, and would promptly choke on it and die.  The Burger King would be left standing in the ring, the only one left alive… with a big smile on his face, his crown’s jewels glistening in the lights.  The winner?  The Burger King Man.

End of Chuck Norris.

All Hail the King.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry I couldn't get past the Optimus Prime part to be clearly amused by the rest of this!