The Journey Starts Here

Welcome to my odd sense of humor. Not always for the faint of heart.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Philosophical Differences and The Cat Lady

My wife likes cats.  No, that is not the right wording at all.  My wife LOVES cats.  I, on the other hand, just think cats are ok.  This brings on a philosophical difference in our lives that I thought would be fun to share.

Donna: Thinks all cats are beautiful.
Kevin: Thinks only the really fluffy one’s are pretty.

Donna: Thinks that little kittens are the best thing EVER.
Kevin: Sees kittens as future trouble makers.

Donna: Thinks that all neighborhood cats belong to her.
Kevin: Wonders why all these cats keep showing up at our back door.

Donna: Thinks that any cat that shows up is starving, so she feeds them.
Kevin: Thinks that these cats can just fend for themselves, since they keep depositing dead animals at our door.

Donna: Thinks that feral cats are a myth, and seeks to prove this by domesticating them with great success.
Kevin: Thinks his wife is Doctor Doolittle in disguise, which is actually rather disturbing.

Donna: Thinks all the cats in the neighborhood have the right to just come right on in.
Kevin: Thinks of ways to get rid of cats on a daily basis.

Donna: Thinks that cats that don’t belong to us deserve to sleep their 90% of the day away in the comfort of our house.
Kevin: Thinks that my wife identifies with the cat naps because she is a narcoleptic.

Donna: Thinks that any cat who wants should be able to jump on our bed and sleep with us.
Kevin: Thinks the cats should find somewhere else to sleep because his big fat butt hangs off the bed at  night.

Donna: Thinks it’s sweet when these cats lick her, even on the face in the middle of the night.
Kevin: Thinks that anything that licks it’s own butt better not lay a tongue on him.

Donna: Thinks cats crawling all over you in the middle of the night, meowing to wake you up for attention is fun.
Kevin: Thinks that the cats are lucky they don’t get flying lessons from him.

Donna: Hears the sound of cats mating outside and squees with glee.
Kevin: Hears nothing but utter horror.

Donna: Thinks that the cats attitude of being arrogant, sneaky, standoffish and needy is just right.
Kevin: Thinks his wife identifies a little to well with cats.

Donna: Thinks that when a cat wakes her up in the middle of the night for loving is enjoyable.
Kevin: Thinks that his wife doesn’t think the same when he wakes her up in the middle of the night for loving.

Donna: Thinks going to extremes to entertain a gaggle of cats is lots of fun.
Kevin: Thinks that there might be other things that might be more fun.

Donna: Thinks that the Egyptians worshiping cats is right on target.
Kevin: Thinks that cats are soulless and products of the devil.

Donna: Thinks that the more cats the merrier.
Kevin: Thinks that he should get a dog. A big, cat hating dog.

Donna: Thinks all cats should be neutered and spayed and if she had the money would pay for it.
Kevin: Thinks she thinks HE should be neutered.  With scissors or a dull knife.

Donna: Thinks that cats staring at you is cute and are obviously interested in what you are doing.
Kevin: Thinks cats stare at you because they are plotting your death, so they can eat you.

So, if you ever wanted a cat, just let me know.  We have more than a few and what my wife doesn’t know won’t hurt her.

Honey?  If you’re reading this, don’t worry, I’m only joking about giving your cats away. Or am I?

Love and Kisses…. Oh wait, a cat licked your face.  Nevermind.


  1. Donna: Thinks that after reading this, cat lickies or no, the husband will not be getting sex for a long time.

    Kevin: Thinks this is nothing new.

  2. HAHAHA. I rolling around on the floor laughing. Seriously. You might want to get out of the way.

  3. I think I would be just like Donna if my husband wasn't allergic to cats. I guess you missed the boat on claiming an allergy...unless spontaneous cat allergies have been known to occur...

  4. Well VedetterTX, I didn't actually miss that boat but the allergy is very sight. The one person in the house who has it worse is.... you guessed it, my wife.

  5. lmao back to hallway sex eh kev?