The Journey Starts Here

Welcome to my odd sense of humor. Not always for the faint of heart.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Mother Natures Cranky and It’s The Capitalist’s Fault

I will be going out of town for a few days so I might not post until I get back.  However, I came across an interesting article today and thought I would share and comment on it.

Apparently, as a Capitalist Country, we are to blame for the current weather plaguing Venezuela!  WOW!  I never knew we had that ability!  Did you?

President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela places the terrible amount of rain his country is getting on the Capitalist Countries of the world.  That was a real puzzler to me, until I thought about it for awhile.  I think it must work something like this.

In short, Capitalism is based on competition.  And Making money.  And laying people off left and right due to the poor economy and the massive amounts of money CEO’s absolutely must make, because hey, they are CEO’s.  It costs a lot of money to dress in a suit, type on a laptop, and talk on the phone all day, deciding if profit margins will make him that million dollar bonus this year.  Because people have lost their jobs, profit margins are slim and that bonus?  Might not happen.

So there was a conference in Pierre, South Dakota, because there is nothing else to do there, were all the CEO’s got together to talk about their bonus situation.  The news was grim, so they had expensive cake, Starbuck’s Coffee, and Strippers.  Of course, they all flew there on their private jets, because they are CEO’s and can’t travel like normal people and they are not too happy about the new TSA groping and Naked Body scanners.  Who could blame them?  Everyone knows all CEO’s are fat, balding, Middle Aged men and don’t want to be made fun of.

After days of drinking Starbucks by day and lots of Alcohol by night, and flirting with the strippers, who had to take massive amounts of Prozac to keep from barfing from being flirted with by fat, bald, middle aged men, they finally came up with an idea.  There idea was absolutely brilliant and designed to make the word suffer, since they had to suffer by not getting their million dollar bonus.

They sent their idea to Walmart.

You read it right. Walmart.


Because everyone knows Walmart secretly runs everything with their super-lowprice-power.  That’s why they have 30 Walmarts per city.  Their power comes from the fairies they keep locked up in their Super Walmart Wharehouses.

Somehow, all these CEO’s convinced Walmart to force their fairies to manipulate the weather, all so people could lose their homes and drown in South America.

You might think I’m joking, because obviously the weather is controlled by Global Warming and the sum total of less than 1% of Carbon Dioxide us Capitalists and non Capitalists put into the atmosphere, making the planet colder hotter by the second.   But no, in actuality, the weather is controlled by the Walmart Fairies.

So Hugo Chavez, you caught us out.  We certainly DID make it rain in Venezuela.  Why?  Because you’re a douch-bag of monumental proportions and our Capitalist CEO’s need their million dollar bonus this year.

Although how this plan is going to help them get it I haven’t quite figured out yet.  Anyone got any idea?

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