The Richmond Snow Problem

Well, the weatherman went and did it.  It started a few days ago with vague comments, and by today, it was full on.

Snow.

There should be a special prison for weathermen (and weatherwomen).

Once again, they are calling for Snow here in Richmond, Virginia.  I don’t know about you and where you live, but here?  Snow = Disaster.  And by disaster, I mean like the banking industry. I happen to like snow and my philosophy has always been the more snow the better.  I like building anatomically correct snowmen and snowwomen.  But there seems to be this issue with people who live in and around Richmond.  Personally, I think it’s caused by Wal-Mart, sending out subliminal messages in their commercials.  Or maybe that’s Hallmark.  Anyway, there are a number of issues that come to mind.

Everyone loses their mind like a Bad Trip at a Pink Floyd Light Show

When even a hint of a chance of snow is announced, people start talking about it.  And talking about it.  And they don’t talk about anything else.  You could be like “Hey, did you hear the President just passed a bill that will make it legal for you to not pay taxes if you make less than a million dollars?” And the response would be, “Forget about that! Did you hear it’s going to snow?!”  It’s as bad as all the teen girls in a high school had just learned Justin Bieber is going to visit and take them all out on a date.

All the Milk and Bread Mysteriously Disappears

Seriously.  No joke here.  Even Houdini would be impressed.  If they even mention flurries, everyone flocks to their local market or quick stop and buys up all the milk and bread they can get their hands on.  Why?  Because they are afraid they will get snowed in for a week.  With nothing to eat.  Why someone would want to survive on nothing but milk and bread during a snow in is puzzling to say the least.  Me?  Give me soup, hot chocolate, spaghetti, chili, cornbread, baked potatoes, you know, real food.  Of course you have to have milk and bread, but come on people!

No Matter How Much Snow, Everyone Thinks it’s a Good Idea To Drive

Despite being convinced they will be snowed in, the first thing everyone does when it’s snowing is climb in their car to drive around.  No matter if it’s an inch, or twenty, they will be on the roads.  In their sports cars that can’t handle it.  When they get stuck, and they always do, others, driving similar cars, stop and try to help them out.  Of course, then means they end up getting stuck too.  Then you have the ones who own SUV’s.  There ought to be a law that anyone who owns an SUV must pass a special driving class proving they can drive the thing in all situations, because let me tell you, these people might as well have strapped skies to their tires and decided to try and drive their vehicle down an Olympic ski jump.

School, or no School

The school situation is always dicey, because school administrators all smoke crack.  But I remember when I was kid, there had to be at least 4 inches of snow on the roads before they closed schools.  Even then, you were lucky if you got out 2 hours early.  They didn’t smoke crack back then because no one had thought of it, instead they smoked pot.  Which is probably why it took them so long to make a decision, because you know, they were in the teachers lounge eating cheetos.  Now days, they either wait for the kids to get to school, then close it, or they close the schools BEFORE IT EVEN SNOWS.  That’s right.  Even on this night, before there is even one single flake falling, one area south of Richmond has closed their schools.

All in all, it’s rather frustrating.  So although I love snow, I’m already irritated.  Tonight, I had to pick my daughter up from work.  She works at a place that has a Wal-Mart in the same shopping area and I swear it took me 15 minutes to get across to the other side of the parking lot and that was only because I refused to stop for the mass of people running inside to buy milk and bread.  The time? It was 9:30 PM.

The last I heard, they were calling for anywhere between 2 and 7 inches here.  No doubt, when I wake up in the morning, there will be 3 cars stuck in my ditch, and my daughter might just have to go in to school, just to turn around and leave again when they close it.

There you have it my friends.  This is what it’s like here in Richmond, Virginia when they are calling for a little snow.  But despite all this, I’ll sit back and enjoy the scenery, as long as I don’t run out of milk and bread.  In fact, I better go to the store.  I only have a gallon of milk and two loaves of bread.

Maybe if I get snowed in, I’ll wake up to find Santa came early and left me a little present: