Thanksgiving, Randomness and the Ridiculous

There are plenty of things in the news that I could be writing about, funny things that made me spew coffee out of my nose when reading like the total nerd, I mean elegant person, I am, but instead I wanted to go off topic.

Don’t worry; I will do that a lot.

Everyone seems to be on this whole “things to be thankful for because, hey, thanksgiving is coming up” and I am nothing if not mainstream.  So I decided to jump on the bandwagon.  In my own way of course.

So this is the month of Thanksgiving.  When Americans celebrate being thankful for Indians, corn, puritans, boats with sails, and for some odd reason, pumpkins.  Don’t ask me, I just live here and I don’t make the rules.  But a rule it is.  Every year during this month, we “terminate” hoards of turkeys with a vengeance (hey they are yummy after all) and gather together to sit down and choke down foods that family members have made.  Even when we don’t like those foods.  This is, in fact, why we brought domesticated dogs into this country - so we could feed these offending food stuffs to them during thanksgiving dinner.  I have it on very good authority that Captain John Smith, the enterprising young British Captain offered his mother’s dry, nasty cornbread stuffing to his dog on the first thanksgiving under the watchful eye of Pocahontas, who didn’t quite approve, which is why she didn’t marry him after saving his life.  There are rumors that upon eating said cornbread stuffing, the Captain’s Best Friend promptly went out and drowned himself in the river.  But that is just a rumor.

Never the less, during this time of year, we sit down with our family, even the smelly and weird Uncle Bob who still tries to get you to pull his finger and fart despite the fact you are over the age of 40.  Like we didn’t learn our lesson on that one the first time.  We sit together, we eat, we share stories of old, make fun of each other, occasionally fight, and end up passed out from eating too much.

For all of which, for some odd reason, we are supposed to be thankful for.

Whatever.

But as it stands, there are a number of things I have to be thankful for.  I’m sure you are shocked that such an awesome guy as me doesn’t have a multitude of things to be thankful for, but hey, I live in this world the same as you.  It’s a hit and miss thing at best.

Things I am thankful for?

I’m thankful for my daughter, who just turned 18 and is now legally an adult.  I’m not thankful that my little girl is all grown up.  But that’s what kids do.  Grow up.  I’m thankful that she has a sense of humor, can be extremely sweet when she wants something, I mean when she wants to be, is much more intelligent than I am, and if she stops paying attention to me, can make something of her life.  You know, have a future and all.  And what parent wouldn’t be thankful for that?  I’m also thankful that she didn’t get my looks and is extremely beautiful.  That’s her, smart AND beautiful.

I’m thankful for my wife of 21 years.  Even if she has more piercings than you can shake a stick at.  And tattoos.  I’m thankful for those as well, because I think they look awesome on her.  I’m not going to be thankful if we ever fly somewhere, because taking her through the airport is going to be an exercise.  Really.  She has more metal in her body than a whole car.  A big one even.  But hey, we will cross that bridge if we ever come to it.  I’m thankful for the fact we are still together, despite all the trials and tribulations we have faced.  Although what we have faced in the past 5 years is not as bad as some, what we have faced is enough to drive plenty of people off their rocker.  Despite it all, we still live together, still hold hands, still sleep in the same bed and occasionally, when there are witnesses around, she lets me hug her.  The witnesses are to make sure I don’t get “fresh” but hey I guess I can’t blame her there.   I’ can’t help myself, she is a very beautiful woman.

I’m thankful for what few real friends I have, which let me tell you, is few.  Not because I don’t want them, but because we live in a time where everyone can be so selfish and doesn’t remember what it means to be a friend.  The ones I have are wonderful, understanding, and listen to me when I rant and don’t tell me I’m being stupid.

There are other things I’m thankful for, like the TSA, but I think I will stop here.  It’s not a long list, but these are the highlights.  My daughter, my wife, and my real friends.

Makes me all warm and tingly inside just thinking about it, and that my readers, is no joke.

The awkward part of it all though is that I don’t think they are all that thankful for me, but that is understandable.  I’m a dad, a husband, and a man.  I’m not always available and can be demanding, ignorant and stubborn.  But then again, this isn’t about them is it?

Nope.  This one is about me.

So Happy Thanksgiving all.  Enjoy your family and friends, and for heaven’s sake, watch out for the cornbread stuffing and don’t blame the dog if he decides to hide under the bed.  He’s a dog, not stupid.